Mickey

I hope you guys don’t mind me posting these in batches? They’re insignificant on their own but I hope they can amuse you when read together 

I haven’t written anything for over a year, but I’ve just discovered an old disc on which I have found pieces that even I had forgotten about! 

I haven’t written much lately so here is one I prepared earlier. I remember that the last time I posted this, I received a comment from a JW who took it in good part luckily. Absolutely no offence meant to any others who might read it (honest!) 

I just kind of felt ‘compelled’ to write this (someone had to). As a poem I am pleased that I have managed to maintain fourteen syllables to each line – does that constitute any particular poetic ‘form’? 

Please bear with me while I explore this style (“It will pass away soon enough” to quote Mr Bennet!) 

Inspired by the late 'Professor' Stanley Unwin 

A nostalgic mixture of school memories and Jennings and Darbyshire! I don't suppose it's like this anymore? 

James has said that he finds it hard to see poetry in financial transactions and that banking is too prosaic. But the whole world of finance is littered with double-entendres (or should that be ‘double entries’ – a double-entendre in its own right!) How about this then. The ‘guilt’ in guilt-edged is intentional by the way  

Cromer v Trebetherick 

If I were leading the British negotiating team! 

The title of this poem and the time slots are intended to show that, at different times throughout the day and on any day of the week, someone will always have a reason to be sampling the unique and exotic delights of Brighton 

The reported Government plan to include ‘Britishness’ in the National Curriculum for schools, prompted me to re-post this piece which I wrote last year when tests were being proposed for applicants for British Citizenship. I thought at the time that the following essentials would assist in focussing the mind and it can now be smuggled into the exam room as a crib sheet! 

A couple on the subject of 'taste' for Jennifer's prompt 

C R Ashbee (1863-1942) set up a kind of workers’ co-operative whose aims were to elevate the status and independence of the craftsman. Established in the East End of London in 1888, his Guild of Handicraft moved at the turn of the last century to Chipping Campden, ‘a little Cotswold town that industrialism had never touched’ 

I like the idea of rubbish-shaped holes in the pond (This is in response to Alan's challenge in Flash Poetry) 

Some friends in the Poetry Seminar were discussing writing a poem based upon a current news item. This isn’t exactly based on such a piece, but is offered as an alternative strategy to the idea reported in the weekend press, that school detentions should better reflect the nature of the misdemeanour (see evildetentions.co.uk) I've sent a copy to both the NUT and the NASUWT 

And now for something completely different! 

A comment on the pretentious descriptions for colours dreamt up by the fashion industry to sell more clothes I wrote this a while ago but I don't think I ever uploaded it  

I wrote this during the pre-Christmas Sales so its probably a bit irrelevant now! 

Never give up on a good idea! Here is a more considered attempt at a poem in the style of John Betjeman 

My letter to the BBC entitled ‘Points of View’ which I posted a while back seemed to amuse a number of fellow members. Here is another letter, this time to an unconvinced publisher (I actually sent this I seem to remember…although it didn’t change his opinion!) 

An imagined letter from Robert Edwin Peary to his pushy mother 

Hot off the press! I have literally just written this after thinking how messy the accumulated muck in my Dyson looks through the clear dust container 

I wrote this a while back (not from personal experience I might add). The only trouble I have is that I can't read it without dropping into the rhythm of the Beach Boys 'Disney Girls' 

This is new to me – do they qualify as Haiku? 

I haven’t written much for a while, so I thought I’d stick this old one on – apologies to those of you who have already seen it! 

A pataphysical poem (with apologies to Lennon & McCartney) 

I never thought of combining poetry with football (thank you Jane) but, as my last effort was received favourably, I knocked this one out this morning before I got up. Hope you like it 

Listening to early 60s surfing music whilst stuck in a traffic jam is probably not such a good idea as it tends to highlight and contrast youthful dreams with middle-aged reality  

This is a revised version of something I wrote a while ago after reading some of the metaphysical poets of the 17th century 

Hi All My internet connection’s been down for a couple of weeks but I’m now back. I wrote this poem first and added the wives’ names afterwards, so I know the lines/verse breakdown is a bit erratic  

Another attempt at an alternative song lyric – to be sung to the tune of ‘Don’t Let Her Know She’s An Angel’ by Brian Wilson (again from his 'Getting In Over My Head' CD) I was using the idea of comparing the wax-and-feather wings of Icarus with the wings of an angel, as a metaphor for differing expectations within a relationship 

Contrary to what I’ve said before about ‘knocking out’ a poem quickly, I’ve tried for years to get this one to work. I’ve tried different formats and line breaks but this seems to be the nearest I can get to the irrational emotional panic that I am trying to convey. I am probably trying to get a too sophisticated and structured rhyming scheme into it than I am capable of, and I should have dumped it ages ago, but I was pleased with the storyline (if that makes sense?) 

Here are two oldies that I have dredged from the archive. I posted them years ago in the Poetry Group. The first poem is entitled ‘Points of View’ and is a letter in verse to the BBC programme of the same name, and the second is another rhyming letter I actually sent to an unconvinced publisher…although it didn’t change his opinion! It's called ‘Dealing with Rejection’ 

A homage presented in response to Jennifer’s challenge 389 

Dedicated to, and inspired by, those blokes who drive around in muddy Toyota pick-up trucks with 'No Job Too Small' emblazoned on the side. 

I came across a book called ‘The Poetry of Business Life’ today and was inspired to relate the tale of my own last day at the office. Incidentally, look up ‘What the Chairman Told Tom’ by Basil Bunting – its brilliant! 

There’s 2 rail crossings in my home town. One was operated by a signalman turning a huge handwheel, who would wave motorists through with a smile, the other was opened by a resident gatekeeper living in a little cottage with an immaculate tiny garden. Now both are automatic, far more pedestrians/drivers can be frustrated far longer than ever dreamt of before - and with no one to blame! Brilliant isn’t it? Here’s my salute to the gatekeepers, combining happy memories of both crossings:  

My last posting was copying John Lennon’s idea of producing a coherent poem from elements of a poster. This is another personal challenge inspired by the Sgt.Pepper album, this time to compose a poem based on a newspaper article. 

An attempt at song lyrics 

These are my latest two written last week 

This one hasn’t got a tune (other than in my head) It is a lyric that I have written without the benefit of it being based on an existing song! 

I knocked these three out a few weeks ago while feeling a bit cheesed off with modern society (I usually am!) Sorry they're all a bit political again 

In response to Jane’s observation that I should write ‘moody’ and ‘serious’ more often, here is an oldie written several years ago before cynicism set in! 

For Oonah's challenge 

Burgess Hill is about 7 miles north of Brighton and, each year they hold a Summer Festival which includes a separately run poetry competition. One of the themes in 2004 was ‘The day the Queen came to Burgess Hill’ I submitted the following poem, but was disappointed when the organizer asked me to change the title which she considered irreverent to HM. I declined to accept her censorship and she in turn declined to accept my entry. 

Game plan on the dance floor 

An envious rictameter 

One of my favourite poets is the late Sir John Betjeman whose blank verse autobiography ‘Summoned by Bells’ I have on a cassette read by the author. I’ve never seen this poem ‘in the flesh’ as it were but I love his reading of it. I thought that I would try a mini version about my life in London as a child. I’m not sure if I have succeeded however, as I seem to lapse into rhyme throughout. As this is such a departure from my normal stuff, your comments would be especially appreciated 

A letter to the BBC 

Haikus seem to be popular for Jennifer's music challenge, so here is my attempt (should they be centred?) 

Another of my 'animal' poems. This is actually semi-serious. If you were an animal would you expect your God to look like you ... or the bloke who feeds you? 

A couple of entries for Ron's one-liner challenge 

Another silly piece 

Mathematical musings - I think I've posted this one before so I apologise to anyone who has already seen it 

I might have posted this before. it's a slight re-working of 'one I prepared earlier' 

These two poems are in response to a personal challenge set by James and Michael to write a humorous piece about a scarecrow modelled on Michael’s translation of Careme’s 

This story is absolutely true and happened to me in 1974 

This is an old song lyric of mine that I’ve re-worked to be sung to the tune of ‘I’m Waiting For The Day’ from the Beach Boys’ ‘Pet Sounds’ album  

Two poems about socks. I hope posting two together won't matter, but they seemed to go together (like a pair!) 

Hope this works - it looks quite good 'centred' but we can't do that here 

I’ve just got back from Sunday lunch at the historic Mermaid Inn at Rye. I photographed an early Victorian advertising poster they have framed and hanging on the wall there, and have attempted a ‘For The Benefit of Mr.Kite’ – type poem based on its contents 

It’s not a Mondo but at least the syllable count’s right! Perhaps this is a ‘Beat-Mondo’? 

Sadly true 

Every year my old school hold a reunion at which they have a kind of ‘memory board’ with all the same old photos on display. For this year’s event (in November) I decided to submit the following poem along with a suitable clip art illustration. It’s a pity we can’t add illustrations here on WW as the Publisher piece I sent to the reunion organiser looks quite impressive. 

This poem was inspired by the story of Melita Norwood. Her Times obituary in 2005 reported that she ‘…lived in complete obscurity…and was known to her friends as a “lovely old lady” who produced homemade jam. Yet Norwood was one of the Soviet Union’s longest serving spies and the most important British female agent to be recruited by the KGB’ 

Written in frustration with the apathy of club committee members with no vision, and dedicated to big fish in tiny pools everywhere 

This was inspired by reading something about the Cubs by John Hegley over Christmas 

Something a bit more serious - and not a rhyme in sight! 

For Jo's challenge 

Another piece that I have been reminded of by a recent item in the national press 

And now for something entirely different! 

This one's for James. I've posted it here in Flash Poetry because I just wrote it straight off. Is that what 'flash poetry' means? 

I was in development all my working life and was always amused by the universality of objection from Sussex to Inverness. I reckon there's a 'How To Object To Development' handbook out there somewhere!! 

I am a trustee of Haywards Heath Town FC and, this year was considering including a fortnightly poem in each home game match day programme under the general heading of ‘The Half Time Rhyme’ I thought I ought to at least include one piece about the beautiful game 

Totally Unsummarisable! 

Some of you may recall my recommending a Brighton Festival fringe venue calling itself ‘The Poetry Brothel’ back in May? The poets there gave ‘private’ readings in a tongue-in-cheek brothel setting. They also invited punters to leave written comments which they pinned up on the wall during the course of the week. This is the comment that I dropped through their letterbox. 

A little romantic piece for Kirsty's challenge! 

For Jane's challenge 

A recycled Seasonal oferring. Merry Christmas to you all. 

Here’s another romantic offering as the last one seemed to go down well 

It was either write this or slit my wrists! 

I saw the body of a deer at the side of the road with its head cleanly removed 

I was reminded of this after having read Ron’s poem. I don’t think I’ve posted it before 

I entered this in a Daily Mail competition to mark the Silver Jubilee. They emailed that it had been accepted but, as soon as I had told everyone, I got a second email saying they’d changed their mind! 

This is an alternative song lyric to ‘Hope and Glory’ by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons 

I wrote these after watching “Sex, Chips & Poetry: 50 Years of The Mersey Sound” on BBC4. It inspired me to dig out the original and to attempt some of my own 

Sorry to sneak in three at once but they are only relevant this week 

The secret of my success! 

I was inspired to write this piece after reading Joanie’s poem on the memorials on park benches (which has since disappeared, so I can’t comment on it). Jacob Grist (1827-1895) and Joshua Jones (1833-1892) were landlords of inns at either end of the dead straight road (no pun intended) that forms the principal route through my home town of Haywards Heath. 

Late entry for Joanie's challenge 

Here’s another one inspired by my foray into the Critique Central group. It was based on Keiron in Janet’s ‘Sole Survivor’ 

Harriet Harperson’s latest outrageous intrusion into our lives reminded me of this. Some of you may have seen it before. I’ve just e-mailed it to the Daily Mail but I imagine the last line will preclude its publication! 

I have always found myself in the perplexing position of having complete faith in something I don’t believe in. Jesus was born a Jew, lived as a fully Torah-observant Jew, and died a Jew, and yet as Christians, we believe in an idea that he would have found the ultimate blasphemy! 

Kirsty's challenge 443 

Just re-joined and thought I'd start with an old one - apologies to those who have read this before! 

on the decision to suspend parliament for the winter recess and to be sung to Cliff Richard's 'Summer Holiday'