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Last Day at the Office

by Mickey 

Posted: 09 August 2019
Word Count: 190
Summary: I came across a book called ‘The Poetry of Business Life’ today and was inspired to relate the tale of my own last day at the office. Incidentally, look up ‘What the Chairman Told Tom’ by Basil Bunting – its brilliant!


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He had stayed on past the State Retirement Age
and would probably still be there today
had his boss – decades his junior and
exasperated at his lack of understanding
of the ‘New Technology’ not chided him.
This was the proverbial final straw.
He could take no more.
“Stick your job” he remembered saying
and walked away, the office silent
for the first time he could remember
in his twenty years of service.
With boss and workmates jaws asunder,
his mind a mix of fearfulness and wonder,
he had set his face, picked up his case
and walked out, head held high.
It had been a silly exchange and they
had asked him to change his mind.
But his course was set and he didn’t regret
that one defiant answer for one minute.
It felt so queer – he had no idea
how he’d manage on half the income
he was used to, or what he’d be reduced to.
But the deed had been done and he
had never felt so free.  His heart began to sing.
What would this new retirement bring
after that last day at the office?






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Comments by other Members



James Graham at 20:57 on 10 August 2019  Report this post
Mike, I have to say I don’t think this is one of your best. I wouldn’t be surprised if you agree. It’s interesting enough, giving a very credible story of how a man quit his job, more or less in exasperation. Not the happiest final day but his reaction is understandable. Then there’s a nice touch at the end, when he ‘never felt so free’ and  ‘His heart began to sing’.
 
The thing is, as I read it I felt it mght just as well have been in prose. There’s rhyme here and there but that’s  maybe because you can’t help rhyming. Second nature.
 
Sorry. But so many of your poems I’ve seen in WW are so much better – humorous verse of a very high calibre. I don’t know if you would want to put this into a more formal poem, e.g.  4-line verses, ABCB rhyme. Might be worth a try?
 
James.

V`yonne at 09:43 on 11 August 2019  Report this post
I don't think it's one of your best either but it might be worth working on it as I did like the internal rhymes you came up with. I think it just needs to 'mature' not retire laugh


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