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The English Summer

by Mickey 

Posted: 01 August 2017
Word Count: 67


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Fluffy white cumulo-nimbi scud,
Hereford Red Polls chew the cud.
Bees on the Buddleia, flies round the bin,
Gallons of factor-eight being rubbed in.
Fishermens’ quill floats dipping and bobbing,
Packs of Boy Scouts out Bob-a-Jobbing.
The sound of the willow as it whacks at leather,
Weeks on end of hot, sticky weather.
Punts by the river bank tied to their mooring.
God!…Isn’t summertime really bloody
BORING!!






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Comments by other Members



joanie at 17:52 on 01 August 2017  Report this post
Hi Mike,

I defy anyone NOT to read this aloud!  You just can't help it! I love the jaunty rhythm and the rhymes! 

I stumbled (on my reading aloud!)  at the 7th line.  Would it read better with 'The sound of the willow whacking at leather'?

I found the last lines great, but again, I stumbled a bit.  It might be that you wanted the pace to suddenly slow down...... that would work.  How about 'God! I find summertime so bloody BORING!'?

The trouble with rhyming poetry, I find, is that sometimes friends want to 'borrow' them to read to others, which is great, but they never read them like I want it to be read!  I said years ago that there should be video on here, so you van read it properly yourself, exactly as you intended!

Good read - Thanks!

Joan

 

joanie at 17:52 on 01 August 2017  Report this post
you CAN...!  typing too quickly!

Thomas Norman at 19:00 on 01 August 2017  Report this post
Hi Mike,

I love rhythm and rhyme and this is a great romp!
I think the problem with L7 is you have an extra syllable in there. The other lines are 8 or 10.
Easily corrected, just drop the second 'the'.
Again the final line would comply and be better as

God!...Isn't summer really bloody BORING.

Or if you want to retain 'summertime' then just drop 'bloody' though I think the first is better.

Great fun piece, thanks for the laugh!

Thomas
 

V`yonne at 17:41 on 22 August 2017  Report this post
Well I just had to read it aloud and then I laughed laugh Well done.

Cliff Hanger at 09:32 on 26 August 2017  Report this post
Jolly with a lol edge at the end.laugh

Jane

Jojovits1 at 12:40 on 27 August 2017  Report this post
Hi Mike

This just skips along beautifully.  Great rhymes and gave me a good chuckle. laugh

Jo x


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