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Emptying a Dyson

by Mickey 

Posted: 24 August 2017
Word Count: 214
Summary: Hot off the press! I have literally just written this after thinking how messy the accumulated muck in my Dyson looks through the clear dust container

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How can a bag-less vacuum cleaner be considered an ‘improvement’ when, whereas before you just removed a sealed bag of dust and threw it away, you now have the body of the machine itself filled with shit that’s almost impossible to empty completely and leaves the inside visibly covered in crap?  All you have done is replaced a throwaway bag with one you have to clean each time!

I found it easier to remove a
bag of dust from my old Hoover
than fiddle with this complicated
‘cyclone-action’, overrated
Dyson, moving on a ball
which isn’t any use at all.
It fills up every other day
and, when I want to throw away
the dog hairs, fluff, and dust debris,
it takes an engineer’s degree
to take the bloody thing apart
with latches. Catch is where to start?
A job approached with fear and loathing
requiring protective clothing -
industrial face masks are a must
to breathe through all the clouds of dust.
I wish I hadn’t been seduced
by prices that had been reduced.
My poor old orange Addis broom
I threw away to make more room
for bag-less, cord-less Dyson cleaners
but, if I’m honest, just between us
I much preferred to sweep the floor
with my old Addis like before. 

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Comments by other Members

joanie at 20:42 on 24 August 2017  Report this post
Excellent, Mike!  I love the rhymes of course, and the brilliant every day content.  I do enjoy the fun poetry to be found in our immediate surroundings.  However.......

While I understand completely
your concerns re. your device,
may I comment, quite discreetly?
My Dyson Animal's quite nice!

I do know exactly what you mean about the disgusting mess which needs to be emptied, though!  Wherever does if all come from?!

An enjoyable read.


joanie at 20:46 on 24 August 2017  Report this post
PS.  Years ago, I never used to throw away the sealed bag; it just seemed too wasteful.  I always emptied and re-used it until the bag disintegrated.  Believe me, it was far messier then than now.  Why am I typing at such length about vacuum cleaner bags??  That's poetry for you!


LA at 21:34 on 24 August 2017  Report this post
Bravo Mickey! What a wheeze!
​Just reading it has made me sneeze!
All that dust is disgustin':
​Toe nails, pubes, and manky skin.           


joanie at 22:06 on 24 August 2017  Report this post
I just love it!

V`yonne at 12:50 on 25 August 2017  Report this post
An answering sonnet laugh

Vacuuming is a Wheeze

I had an Electrolux for twenty years,
had it reconditioned several times.
I parted with it in the end, amid tears
and since have bought three, only to find
that bosch are bosch and pick up damn all!
I even threw one of them against a wall
in a fit of peak which didn’t do much good
to anyone. And please, believe me if I could
recommend a cleaner that doesn’t suck,
but efficiently, baglessly or not, picks
up dirt, fluff, grit, sand, whatever, I would
but I don't believe that beast really exists.
Except -- since asthma prevents me vacuuming
these days I simply call my present cleaner, Darling.

Mickey at 21:34 on 25 August 2017  Report this post
Hello All  -  Thank you for your enthusiastic reception of this.  I think Joanie's right, the ordinariness of the subject seems to add an extra edge of silliness.  And is this a first? - I've attracted three comments in verse form.  Brilliant!  Love 'Vacuuming is a Wheeze' Oonah - are Bosch as bad as that?  And thanks Lesley and Joan for your poetic replies.  Love them all

V`yonne at 22:53 on 25 August 2017  Report this post
Believe me... NEVER buy a Bosch! My real hope is someone will give us a recommenation for a good (modern) vacuum cleaner. I'm thinking a Henry might be our next. Shops use him a lot.

Cliff Hanger at 09:06 on 26 August 2017  Report this post
I can't believe I'm getting involved here because cleaning and its equipment or products is not high on my priority list. I rarely get to watch tv and as for using the vaccum cleaner, but I did happen to see an advert for a device that is almost exactly like a dyson but which compacts the stour and has a lever which allows you to deposit it out 'without mess or fuss'. Even I thought, good idea. I didn't notice what it's called.


ronaldanne at 09:33 on 26 August 2017  Report this post
I thought about hiring a maid service then I remembered I not rich. So I got out the old electrolux and went to work.


Cliff Hanger at 10:07 on 26 August 2017  Report this post
I've just twigged the inherent irony of my last post as I have my own holiday cottage business and am just off to spend the day charring! Not to proud to clean toilets for money.laugh


V`yonne at 10:13 on 26 August 2017  Report this post
You have an OLD electrolux? Oh you luck thing, Ron. Cleaner envy!

James Graham at 20:03 on 26 August 2017  Report this post
The Dyson always reminds me of a Heath Robinson machine, described in Wikipedia (or somewhere) as ‘impossibly complicated contraptions for performing simple tasks’. Do you know his work?


You’ve had some witty verse replies, but I don’t seem to be inspired to write a poem about a vacuum cleaner. I can only say that everything in this poem rings true of my abominable Dyson. Especially:
it takes an engineer’s degree
to take the bloody thing apart
with latches. Catch is where to start?

(Very neat middle rhyme there.) This, and everything else in the poem, is spot-on. Your rhyming is brilliant as always.


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