Emptying a Dyson
Posted: 24 August 2017 Word Count: 214 Summary: Hot off the press! I have literally just written this after thinking how messy the accumulated muck in my Dyson looks through the clear dust container
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How can a bag-less vacuum cleaner be considered an ‘improvement’ when, whereas before you just removed a sealed bag of dust and threw it away, you now have the body of the machine itself filled with shit that’s almost impossible to empty completely and leaves the inside visibly covered in crap? All you have done is replaced a throwaway bag with one you have to clean each time!
I found it easier to remove a bag of dust from my old Hoover than fiddle with this complicated ‘cyclone-action’, overrated Dyson, moving on a ball which isn’t any use at all. It fills up every other day and, when I want to throw away the dog hairs, fluff, and dust debris, it takes an engineer’s degree to take the bloody thing apart with latches. Catch is where to start? A job approached with fear and loathing requiring protective clothing - industrial face masks are a must to breathe through all the clouds of dust. I wish I hadn’t been seduced by prices that had been reduced. My poor old orange Addis broom I threw away to make more room for bag-less, cord-less Dyson cleaners but, if I’m honest, just between us I much preferred to sweep the floor with my old Addis like before.
Comments by other Members
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joanie at 20:42 on 24 August 2017
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Excellent, Mike! I love the rhymes of course, and the brilliant every day content. I do enjoy the fun poetry to be found in our immediate surroundings. However.......
While I understand completely
your concerns re. your device,
may I comment, quite discreetly?
My Dyson Animal's quite nice!
I do know exactly what you mean about the disgusting mess which needs to be emptied, though! Wherever does if all come from?!
An enjoyable read.
Joan
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joanie at 20:46 on 24 August 2017
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PS. Years ago, I never used to throw away the sealed bag; it just seemed too wasteful. I always emptied and re-used it until the bag disintegrated. Believe me, it was far messier then than now. Why am I typing at such length about vacuum cleaner bags?? That's poetry for you!
Joan
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LA at 21:34 on 24 August 2017
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Bravo Mickey! What a wheeze!
Just reading it has made me sneeze!
All that dust is disgustin':
Toe nails, pubes, and manky skin.
Lesley
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V`yonne at 12:50 on 25 August 2017
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An answering sonnet
Vacuuming is a Wheeze
I had an Electrolux for twenty years,
had it reconditioned several times.
I parted with it in the end, amid tears
and since have bought three, only to find
that bosch are bosch and pick up damn all!
I even threw one of them against a wall
in a fit of peak which didn’t do much good
to anyone. And please, believe me if I could
recommend a cleaner that doesn’t suck,
but efficiently, baglessly or not, picks
up dirt, fluff, grit, sand, whatever, I would
but I don't believe that beast really exists.
Except -- since asthma prevents me vacuuming
these days I simply call my present cleaner, Darling.
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Mickey at 21:34 on 25 August 2017
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Hello All - Thank you for your enthusiastic reception of this. I think Joanie's right, the ordinariness of the subject seems to add an extra edge of silliness. And is this a first? - I've attracted three comments in verse form. Brilliant! Love 'Vacuuming is a Wheeze' Oonah - are Bosch as bad as that? And thanks Lesley and Joan for your poetic replies. Love them all
Mike
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V`yonne at 22:53 on 25 August 2017
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Believe me... NEVER buy a Bosch! My real hope is someone will give us a recommenation for a good (modern) vacuum cleaner. I'm thinking a Henry might be our next. Shops use him a lot.
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Cliff Hanger at 09:06 on 26 August 2017
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I can't believe I'm getting involved here because cleaning and its equipment or products is not high on my priority list. I rarely get to watch tv and as for using the vaccum cleaner, but I did happen to see an advert for a device that is almost exactly like a dyson but which compacts the stour and has a lever which allows you to deposit it out 'without mess or fuss'. Even I thought, good idea. I didn't notice what it's called.
Jane
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ronaldanne at 09:33 on 26 August 2017
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I thought about hiring a maid service then I remembered I not rich. So I got out the old electrolux and went to work.
~Ron
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Cliff Hanger at 10:07 on 26 August 2017
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I've just twigged the inherent irony of my last post as I have my own holiday cottage business and am just off to spend the day charring! Not to proud to clean toilets for money.
Jane
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V`yonne at 10:13 on 26 August 2017
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You have an OLD electrolux? Oh you luck thing, Ron. Cleaner envy!
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James Graham at 20:03 on 26 August 2017
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The Dyson always reminds me of a Heath Robinson machine, described in Wikipedia (or somewhere) as ‘impossibly complicated contraptions for performing simple tasks’. Do you know his work?
http://socks-studio.com/2016/11/07/william-heath-robinsons-wacky-inventions/
You’ve had some witty verse replies, but I don’t seem to be inspired to write a poem about a vacuum cleaner. I can only say that everything in this poem rings true of my abominable Dyson. Especially:
it takes an engineer’s degree
to take the bloody thing apart
with latches. Catch is where to start?
(Very neat middle rhyme there.) This, and everything else in the poem, is spot-on. Your rhyming is brilliant as always.
James.
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