WriteWords Writing Community
Writing Courses 
We offer one-to-one email correspondence courses. Visit our writing courses section.
   
Site Search





WriteWords Experts
 Expert Comments
Need help?
Speak to a  Site Host
New Members
  thebanker (6/1)
  Yvonne (6/1)
  AlexandriaR24 (5/1)
  loopmonkey (5/1)
  Morteza (5/1)
Your Experience?
Sent your work out?
We'd like to hear from any authors who have sent work to publishers or agents. Post your comments under the appropriate entry in the WriteWords Directory







The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street

by  Mickey  ( 895 )

Posted: 09 July 2008
Word Count: 193


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


The small shop owned by Mrs Lovett,
purveying pies in old Fleet Street,
had a barber's shop above it
supplying all her tender meat.

Those humble souls who met their God
without the intervening grave,
were victims all of Sweeney Todd,
who gave them all their closest shave.

As Sweeney’s murderous intentions
became increasingly more clear,
Todd’s tonsorial attentions
instilled in each an abject fear.

Without a soul to shed a tear,
so many met their Maker there.
With crimson grins from ear to ear,
they left the demon barber’s chair.

No one heard their cries or moans
as Sweeney slit their lathered necks.
In Dunstan’s crypt he hid their bones
where just the rats paid last respects.

Their windpipes cut, they gave no cries
as Sweeney stripped their body meat
which, baked in widow Lovett’s pies,
became the toast of old Fleet Street.

Of God and King, of Church and State
Sweeney Todd broke all the rules,
with Lovett’s pies the favoured plate
of unsuspecting cannibals.

The pair enjoyed a prosperous life
from pies filled with the flesh he’d strip.
He even took her as his wife -
A most unholy partnership!




Add to WriteWords bookmarks Bookmark this work
Add to WriteWords author bookmarks Bookmark this Author
Email a friend!Tell a friend


Comments by other Members


Posted by :  James Graham at 20:33 on 10 July 2008
A broadside ballad! In modern language, but in the spirit of 18th century ballads. From the point of view of a nicely-turned verse, I especially like verses 2 and 5....‘where just the rats paid last respects’ - a nice touch. Verse 1, though, starts the poem off with an awkward rhyme - ‘shop’ and ‘popped’. How about reworking this to rhyme ‘pies’ and ‘cries’ instead? Unless you’re thinking of the same rhyme already being there in verse 6, and don’t want to do that twice in the poem. But verse 6 is a long way from verse 1, and I think you’d get away with it.

According to Wikipedia, Sweeney Todd is purely fictional, but I’m not so sure - on the basis that if there’s something (however mad, however grisly) that is possible for human beings to do, then somebody somewhere, sometime, will do it. There are stories of a Paris barber too who butchered his clients. The thing that makes it hard to believe, though, is you can’t see Sweeney Todd’s novel business idea lasting very long. Word gets about. Pretty soon people (other than the victims, of course) would hesitate to recommend this particular Gents’ Hairdresser.

James.
Posted by :  V`yonne at 22:22 on 10 July 2008
Heehee Raised a grisly smile.
Posted by :  Mickey at 10:18 on 11 July 2008
Thanks James. I agree that the first verse is a bit awkward. How about:

The small shop owned by Mrs Lovett
selling pies in old Fleet street,
had a barbers up above it
supplying all her tender meat


<Added>

Or:

The premises of Mrs Lovett
purveying pies in old Fleet Street
had a barber's shop above it
supplying Lovett's pie shop meat
Posted by :  joanie at 16:04 on 11 July 2008
Hi Mike. This is a great read, once again! I keep reading aloud your two suggested first verses and I' m not sure either has the right sense of ' horror' !

How about
Over Mrs Lovett’s pie shop
sat in London’s old Fleet Street,
would many a muffled, eerie cry pop
from the mouths of her fresh meat.


I' m sure you' ll feel happy about a new version soon! Write on!

joanie
Posted by :  Mickey at 16:22 on 11 July 2008
Hi Joanie. Thanks for your suggestion. I got the impression it was the word ' pop' - originally ' popped' - that James thought was a bit awkward? Based on his calling this a ' broadside ballad' I think that I now prefer my second alternative as it seems to have more of a broadsheet factual report air about it. What do you think?

Posted by :  James Graham at 11:49 on 12 July 2008
A combination of your two alternatives seems just right. The horror is still there, I think - better because understated.

The small shop owned by Mrs Lovett,
purveying pies in old Fleet street,
had a barbers shop above it
supplying all her tender meat.


Lovett/ above it is a great rhyme - completely unforced, and pretty much unique to this poem because of the name ' Lovett' .

James.



Posted by :  Mickey at 12:14 on 25 July 2008
James. I agree. The combined version that you suggest is perfect and has now been substituted.
Mike


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .