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The Last Leaf

by Mickey 

Posted: 15 August 2018
Word Count: 214


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The last of all the Summer leaves left hanging on the tree,
was turning to the Autumn winds and begging “Please take me”
In the Springtime he had burst with thousands of his kind,
but as he sadly looked around no others could he find.
 
Remembering all their Summer fun he fondly thought of when
they’d photosynthesised the Sun, producing oxygen.
When chlorophyll coursed through their veins and made them bright and green,
but now he’s brown and on his own - no others can be seen.
 
They’d all gone to the ‘Great Below’ where leaves fall when they die.
Oh, how he wished that he could go and with the others lie
instead of hanging in the cold just waiting for the ‘drop’
He dreamt of after-life leaf mould. His torment wouldn’t stop.
 
For how he wished to be below amongst his former mates
decomposing with a glow to vegetative states
returning to his pre-leaf state before his axil birth,
with others he would aggregate, enriching Mother Earth.
 
Just then he heard the faintest snap and felt sublime relief
and slowly as he fluttered down, this sad and lonely leaf,
he knew, as nature’s plan had meant, he’d constitute the nutrient
required by surrounding trees to bring forth next year’s crop of leaves.






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 12:14 on 15 August 2018  Report this post
I like the tenor of this and it's quite amusing and a little sad. I think with a bit more thought you can do more with it.

eg suggestion: (which you're welcome to steal)
for now, he longed to go below amongst his former mates
composting in the warmth and glow of vegetative states

But I think you can avoid all the contorted syntaxes if you give it some more thought, such as:

no others could he find.

and with the others lie

and really there is no need of it here;

with others he would aggregate,

when you don't need to rhyme and it would make no difference to say:
he'd aggregate with others.

Try tweaking those bits and it'll be a wee treasure.

poemsgalore at 13:17 on 16 August 2018  Report this post
A beautiful, natural poem Mickey. The continuation of the natural world always amazes me. Rhymes such as 

Remembering all their Summer fun he fondly thought of when
they’d photosynthesised the Sun, producing oxygen.

and

instead of hanging in the cold just waiting for the ‘drop’
He dreamt of after-life leaf mould. His torment wouldn’t stop.

bring vogour and zest to this work.



James Graham at 20:13 on 17 August 2018  Report this post
This is one of your best, full of good robust lines and incorporating genuine botanical stuff such as photosynthesis and chlorophyll. The axil too, which I had to look up – it’s the ‘root’ of the leaf, where it emerges from the twig.
 
Out of many good turns of phrase I especially like ‘He dreamt of after-life leaf mould’. In a sense plants need never die, because fallen leaves, or a whole ‘dead’ plant, can be returned to the earth as leaf mould or compost and nourish new plants. Of course there are so-called gardeners who sweep up or vacuum fallen leaves and bin them – this poem could be a reproach to them. This is still a fun poem, but it’s also true to ‘what nature’s plan had meant’.
 
I thought at first your last two lines were a bit out of place because you change from end rhyme to middle rhyme. But reading the poem again, the last stanza aloud, it seems OK – like a ‘twist’ at the end of a story. Still, I couldn’t resist trying to do an alternative.
 
he knew he’d add his little bit to the vital nutrient
to bring forth next year’s crop of leaves as nature’s plan had meant.
 
I put it up here in case you might want to change it, but I think your lines are better.
 
In stanza 2 line 3 I think it should be ‘Then chlorophyll…’ which makes the two-line sentence grammatically correct, and creates a ‘Then/ now’ contrast.
 
James.

joanie at 15:40 on 21 August 2018  Report this post

Hi Mike.  Sorry !  I seemed to have missed this.  This is so different somehow, for you, yet still very much recognisable as yours!  I love the sentiments and the rhymes, as always.  My favourite phrase, however, is 'after-life leaf mould'.  My dad was a gardener who knew the great importance of leaf mould, and I love the fact that the last leaf knows he is destined for the next great stage in the circle!   I love the way it trips off the tongue too.

I would agree that the last stanza can jar a bit as the rhyme scheme changes, but that could actually be used effectively to change the tone of the poem at the end.

Lovely poem, Mike.  I enjoyed it!

Joan

 




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