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Immigration Blues
Posted: 18 June 2014
Word Count: 65
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Julianna,
from Havana,
played a moody,
blues piana.
Here in England,
on vacation,
having passed
through
Immigration,
met a countryman
from Cuba,
carrying a battered
tuba.
She said “Why don’t
me and you-o,
form a really cool
blues duo?”
Before too long they
were an ‘item’.
Now they’re playing
gigs in Brighton.
Immigration? –
They can’t find ‘em.
Two blues lovers.
We don’t mind ‘em
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 V`yonne at 19:18 on 18 June 2014
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I am amused. You could even go with:
Immigration?
Risible.
True blues lovers
are invisible.
It clicks along.
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 James Graham at 20:04 on 19 June 2014
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Each one better than the last! Like ‘Colour Sense’ this one is funny and makes a point, but this is even better at making the point because it’s so direct. And it’s about a really serious contemporary issue, but instead of making a prosaic case against the anti-immigration bellyachers, it seems to say ‘Issue? What issue? Lighten up – sensible folks aren’t bothered’.
Of course it’s not Julianna and her man we’re laughing at, it’s the anti-immigration lot.
Oonah’s suggestion for the last lines is witty too, but your ending is simpler, more direct. It seems more dismissive too, which is what it should be. But I would change ‘two blues lovers’ to ‘true blues lovers’.
You don’t need commas at any of the first three lines, or after ‘England’. Helps the verse move along better. ‘...through Immigration’ could be just one line.
I quite fancy hearing this piano and tuba act. It had to be a tuba because it rhymes with Cuba, but musically it would be terrific! St James Infirmary Blues?
Great stuff. A broadside aimed at the right target.
James.
<Added>
Oh, and a full stop right at the end. 'We don't mind 'em' full stop - and that's the end of it.
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 Bazz at 20:42 on 24 June 2014
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Hi Mickey, i really like this, the humour of it, plus the meaningful subtext. I wonder if it wouldn't be better, though, to change "me and you-o" to something like "me and you, though". The orignal rhyme just seems a bit forced, which took me out of the poem for a moment. other than that, i think this works really well.
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Mickey 
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