If you want to know the way to me heart,
it's a cup of Earl Grey and an egg custard tart.
I watched 'Basic Instinct' and said to the wife,
"Perhaps we should put some more spice in our life?"
She said "Ooh you tinker - the things you do say!
Have an egg custard tart and a cup of Earl Grey"
These brown-speckled beauties - like nutmegged Nirvana,
soon took all me thoughts off me limpid banana.
I forgot Sharon Stone, lying prone, pantie-free,
as I supped on a cup of me favourite tea.
(The wife knows that custard tarts cool down me ardour -
she always makes sure there's a box in the larder
and nothing - but nothing - can get in the way,
of an egg custard tart and a cup of Earl Grey!)