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The Date

by Mickey 

Posted: 29 July 2018
Word Count: 109
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She washes and carefully brushes her hair
and thoughtfully chooses what outfit to wear.
While he, on the other hand, selfishly thinks
“I’ll stop at the pub for a couple of drinks”
 
She hopes her Prince Charming her looks will adore.
He brags to his mates that he’s certain to score.
A belly of beer then a fumble and grope
so, she makes it quite clear that he’s not got a hope.
 
But telling the story the following day
he brags to his cronies she went all the way.
While she tells her friends, he was useless at kissing
and laughs that the dope doesn’t know what he’s missing.






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Comments by other Members



joanie at 20:17 on 30 July 2018  Report this post
Hi Mike.  I like this - it's very true!!  As always, you have excellent rhymes and perfect rhythm!  Great poem!

Joan
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James Graham at 20:38 on 31 July 2018  Report this post
No need to analyse or pick faults in this. It’s just very neatly and cleverly put together - with excellent rhymes and perfect rhythm as Joan says - and very entertaining. If we were to be really serious about it we would say it’s about men who treat women a sex objects, and indeed that’s what it is about, but it uses the weapon of mass destruction – humour – to bring this guy right down to a tiny size. He’s a prat. A schmuck. I don’t see it as just a funny story; it’s a story that takes up a serious issue and uses humour to sort out the rights and wrongs of it once and for all.
 
Something I notice – and others who read this poem should note this too – is that stanzas 1 and 2 both begin with lines about her and end with lines about him, but stanza 3 begins with him and ends with her. That’s clever. The tables are turned, and so are the stanzas. Ending the poem with her also allows you to finish with that great punch line:
 
and laughs that the dope doesn’t know what he’s missing
 
The twist is that after he does his bragging to his mates, she does a little bit of bragging too. But it’s not the same, because she has done the right thing and he hasn't. And ‘she went all the way’ is a lie, but I imagine she’s a young woman with self-respect and character in spades, as well as good looks no doubt, so ‘the dope doesn’t know what he’s missing’ is almost certainly true!
 
James.
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V`yonne at 12:49 on 05 August 2018  Report this post
Well not all men are stinkers laugh This one hits the mark though! It's one to smile wryly at. I like it. Now you should write an equal and opposite about a right wee slut that takes a fellow for a sap.
Read the WriteWords interview with Oonah Joslin (V`yonne)
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