Geometric Sam
Posted: 29 January 2019
Word Count: 294
Summary: A pataphysical poem (with apologies to Lennon & McCartney)
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Our very latest member, Sam, (I hope she will have joined by now) posted a fabulously surreal piece on Critique Central about a drawn line having feelings. It has inspired this poetic reply to be sung to the tune of ‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’
Sam is quizzical, posing pataphysical
thoughts upon a line.
Does it have a life that is all its
ow, ow, ow own?
If it’s cut in two, will it bleed like me and you,
does it comprehend
it’s only its two ends that define it
so, oh, oh, oh?
But, just as the line has been drawn,
straight along the page …..
Bang! Bang! Barney’s blacklead pencil
is coming into view
Bang! Bang! Barney’s blacklead pencil
has cut the line in two!
Now, no longer one, will his life be so much fun
living as a twin?
Should he learn to love his bisected
ha, ha, ha, halves?
Thinking philosophically, he could now be cut in three
so he’s taking stock.
Everything could clearly have turned out
far, wor, wor, worse
But, just as he’s coming to terms
the compasses return ….. whoa, oh
Bang! Bang! Barney’s blacklead pencil
is poised above the sheet
Bang! Bang! Barney’s blacklead pencil’s
describing arcs that meet!!
now he feels ridiculous, they’re raising perpendiculars
where his two halves meet
should he be discreet or let out a
yell, ell, ell, ell?
The line’s now in a jam, become a parallelogram
all his ends are joined,
identity purloined to create a
play, play, play, plane
But, just as he ponders the fact
his world’s just turned 2D …..
Bang! Bang! Barney’s blacklead pencil
is coming back to draw.
Bang! Bang! Barney’s blacklead pencil
ensures the line’s no more …..
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
Geometric Sam
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 michwo at 14:14 on 29 January 2019
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Mickey,
You've made my day (more or less) and I'm sure you make Sam's even more so!
I blush to confess I don't know all the words to "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" but you've certainly managed to echo the Bang! Bang! choruses with great aplomb. You've got me thinking I should have a go at writing occasional lyrics for pop songs ... based on existing ones obviously as I'm no composer unfortunately.
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 Mickey at 14:47 on 29 January 2019
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Thank you Michael. Yes, I’ve written a few alternative lyrics for songs. I’ve no idea how anyone could write words without a tune in their heads to start with. Glad I (almost) made your day 😀
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Mickey at 15:44 on 29 January 2019
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I suppose that’s the difference between us Michael. You’re an intellectual surrounded by tomes of European Medieval poetry, while I have ‘The Beatles Lyrics’ 😀. Just about sums me up I suppose!!
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 V`yonne at 17:19 on 29 January 2019
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Nowt wrang wi't Beetles lad!
I loved Sam's piece and I love this. It's fun!
Fun -- there is a shortage thereof -- is great and good and I'm the gladder for't!
I'd sign you up for a record deal in a whimper had I the staves!
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Sam_H at 19:54 on 29 January 2019
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Superb, and great fun! (And yes, it did make my day. Not Barney's though. He's sobbing in the corner but would like you to know that he never banged his pencil onto the sheet. Quite the opposite.)
I've written a few pop-song cover lyrics for an annual event where a bunch of us get together and sing each other's lyrics. Maybe I'll post one as my first post in this group.
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michwo at 16:00 on 30 January 2019
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Mickey,
I'm more of a would-be intellectual than an actual one: I would be an intellectual if I were genuinely intelligent. But I do admire these intellectual types, I have to say. I watched a film with Jeremy Irons playing one last night - "Night Train to Lisbon". He saves a girl from throwing herself off a bridge into the river that flows through Bern in Switzerland. After having her as a guest in his classroom, still dripping wet - it was raining outside - she does a runner leaving her raincoat behind and a book by a now dead Portuguese doctor active in the resistance against Salazar in the 70s in Portugal that tells her her grandfather, whom she loved, was actually a man called Rui Luis Mendes a.k.a. the "Butcher of Lisbon", i.e. he tortured political prisoners in a prison referred to locally as The Camp of the Slow Death. So what does Jeremy Irons do next? He goes off to catch a train to Lisbon half-way through a lesson on the Roman emperor and stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius to give the mystery woman her coat and book back at the end of the film. In the meantime he gets to know about various people who figured in the resistance movement against Salazar, starting with the doctor who wrote the book. A fascinating film, and, as he's probably lost his teaching post in Switzerland at the end of it, it's a happy ending too. A nice optician called Mariana suggests he stay in Lisbon just as he's about to get the train back to Bern. He got knocked down by a cyclist (motorcyclist?) at one point and broke his glasses so had to go for an eye test to get a new pair. Mariana's uncle, Joao, was in the resistance and is now in an old people's home...
You'd have to see the film to get the full picture, of course.
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 James Graham at 20:21 on 30 January 2019
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Hi Mike – Yes, Sam’s story is brilliant, and so is this. A pataphysical story and poem – it’s great to think the extent to which we can get our heads round the absurd! We don’t have to make do with the ‘natural order’, we can dream up the most bizarre new orders of things.
This appeals to me especially as it makes Maths, my least favourite subject at school…I was going to say it makes it absurd, and it does, but it makes it interesting too. Barney in the story is too queasy. I would have been running in the corridor to get to that kind of Maths class!
As ‘site expert’ (with my hard hat and high-viz jacket) I’m supposed to criticise work and point out ways to improve it. On this poem/song, I’ve nothing like that to say. There’s so much intelligent good fun. Just about everything in it is a highlight, but anyway here are a few. I love
Bang! Bang! Barney’s blacklead pencil
and all other references to same. The best comment I have is, it’s absurdly sinister. Everything in this verse is brilliant:
Now, no longer one, will his life be so much fun
living as a twin?
Should he learn to love his bisected
ha, ha, ha, halves?
‘Living as a twin’ is clever. But maybe it’s the sadistic laugh in the last line that puts the seal on it. And this verse jumped out at me because it’s really quite profound:
The line’s now in a jam, become a parallelogram
all his ends are joined,
identity purloined to create a
play, play, play, plane
Now metamorphosed out of all recognition, the line’s identity has been stolen. In the age of the internet we fear the stealing of our identity, but this is even worse. Its whole being has been taken over and it’s no longer what it once was. This probably sounds too serious, so let me add that the line’s fate is every bit as pataphysical as anything else in the poem. The 'play, play, play, plane' makes sure of that.
It’s a myth that you can cut a worm in half and the two halves will live. Same goes for a line.This is one of your cleverest poems, Mike. Highly entertaining.
James.
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V`yonne at 12:29 on 31 January 2019
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Sam, post your Up and Down poem!
I am kind hoping to see both the poem and the story in Bewildering Stories but you Marie would just love this too and I love both and if you two want to send them to us I will try to make sure they stay together. Oh Sam -- us -- is The Linnet's Wings.
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Mickey at 13:26 on 31 January 2019
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Sam, Oonah, Michael, and James
Thank you all for your positive comments, although I think the praise should go to Sam for this delightfully oddball idea (please apologise to Barney for me Sam). Thank you too Michael for the comprehensive film review. I’m not sure of its relevance which just makes me hold you in even greater awe than before! Oonah, what the Hell are ‘staves’? James, the ‘ha, ha, ha’ isn’t a sadistic laugh – it’s just the extension of ‘halves’. As I said to Sam in my comment on her story, this is crap as a poem and only works in conjunction with her original (or if you could persuade Paul McCartney to sing it)
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Thomas Norman at 16:33 on 31 January 2019
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Hello Mike,
I think you do yourself an injustice. This is quite brilliant as a lyric. Yes admittedly it needs the knowledge of Sam's story to get its full meaning but that's not essential.
It's fun just trying to work out what it's about; it's not the only pop song to require that, and the choruses are inspired and the whole concept is magically funny.
Thomas.
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James Graham at 21:06 on 31 January 2019
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Crap as a poem? If the story and the poem need to go together - let them be together! Preferably on facing pages of a literary magazine. It's a clever, fun poem. But I keep hearing a sadistic laugh! 
James.
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Mickey at 09:16 on 01 February 2019
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Thank you (again) James. Sam’s brilliant story doesn’t need my poem - it’s my poem that needs Sam’s story!
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V`yonne at 12:46 on 01 February 2019
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I think they work nicely toagether and if you two want to discuss it and send them together to The Linnet's Wings, they will be together for all time 
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Sam_H at 18:57 on 01 February 2019
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Mike, I would love to submit them together to The Linnet's Wings, if you are up for it.
Oonah, supposing you did put the story in, would that prevent me putting it on my own website one day if I ever get around to creating a website for maths stories with explanations of the maths that inspired them?
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Mickey at 19:17 on 01 February 2019
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“they will be together for all time” – you old softie Oonah!! 
I don't mind. How would we go about it?
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Sam_H at 08:55 on 02 February 2019
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Oonah, I would like to. From above...
"Mike, I would love to submit them together to The Linnet's Wings, if you are up for it.
Oonah, supposing you did put the story in, would that prevent me putting it on my own website one day if I ever get around to creating a website for maths stories with explanations of the maths that inspired them? "
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V`yonne at 11:23 on 02 February 2019
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Well the thing to do is to submit them separately Sam but I will ensure that Marie knows you want them to go together. The other thing is to submit yours as a poem Sam so that I can cheat (a bit) by accepting them both at the same time (it's only a little cheat).
And yes of course you may. We'd appreciate a mention of/link to TLWs when you put it in your blog and we'd appreciate a year's grace but that's by the way.
These will probably come up in the Moon Issue in June/July if you put them in now.
Thanks both.
Oonah
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Sam_H at 13:16 on 02 February 2019
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Thank you. I doubt I'll get anything up and running within the next year anyhow! I'll try to submit it this week. (But are you sure it's okay? I don't want to bypass any normal rules.)
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Sam_H at 14:09 on 02 February 2019
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Yeah, I realised that, but just when you talked about cheating...I'll shut up now!
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Sam_H at 14:19 on 02 February 2019
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Although what I should say is that I'm absolutely delighted that you think the story is good enough, and thank you so much.
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V`yonne at 23:51 on 02 February 2019
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Oh that's just that I am not the story editor but I can recommend you see
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