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Brighton 24/365

by Mickey 

Posted: 10 August 2010
Word Count: 190
Summary: The title of this poem and the time slots are intended to show that, at different times throughout the day and on any day of the week, someone will always have a reason to be sampling the unique and exotic delights of Brighton
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Everyone finds Brighton pleasing
and everybody has their reasons
for coming down throughout the season.
On the train to Brighton:

Saturday 1.00pm
Football fans will watch their team
play the Albion at Withdean -
To drum the ‘Gulls will be their dream
On the train to Brighton

Sunday 2.00pm
Ageing poofs who should know better
(baseball caps and patent leather!)
hoping for some roasting weather
On the train to Brighton

Monday 3.00pm
Two Sisters from a nunnery
who want to paddle in the sea
and contemplate Divinity -
On the train to Brighton

Tuesday 4.00pm
After school there’s always lots
of teenage girls who’ve ‘got the hots’
for schoolboys with erupting spots
On the train to Brighton

Wednesday 5.00pm
Suited guys like Gordon Gekko
(business lunches, chilled Prosecco)
leafing through the ‘Evening Echo’
On the train to Brighton

Thursday 6.00pm
The young man whose booked theatre seats
for his girlfriend as a treat
(and hopes she’ll make his night complete!)
On the train to Brighton

Friday 7.00pm
Hen-night girls with ‘Learner’(!) plates
scream and giggle with their mates
convinced their night will be just great
On the train to Brighton






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Comments by other Members



Mickey at 12:26 on 10 August 2010  Report this post
This is the first poem I’ve written for ages. I was going down to Brighton to see my lady friend last weekend when I remembered that it was ‘Pride 2010’ (they seem to have dropped the ‘gay’ bit) Last year it took forever by car because of the parade, so I went by train reasoning that I could have a few beers as well! The train was packed and two middle aged blokes who were the inspiration for the third verse just got me looking around at everyone and thinking how different times of the day produce different travellers. I hasten to add that the verse about the gay couple is more a comment on their dress sense than their lifestyle! I wasn’t sure how to convey the point that the time of day and day of the week provide a completely changed cast on the train so I decided to take one hour for each day and to try to match possible candidates.
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James Graham at 12:27 on 11 August 2010  Report this post
An original idea - and the times as well as the days in sequence, moving on one day and one hour at a time. If I had to single out a verse it would be

After school there’s always lots
of teenage girls who’ve ‘got the hots’
for schoolboys with erupting spots
On the train to Brighton


- partly because, having been a schoolteacher in a former life, this is 'spot'-on. Erupting spots, and the hots get hotter if the boys have been suspended from school, 'lifted' by the police etc!

Also your ingenious Byronic rhymes in

Suited guys like Gordon Gekko
(business lunches, chilled Prosecco)
leafing through the ‘Evening Echo’
On the train to Brighton


- this is very clever.

I wonder if you need a final verse to balance the opening verse? Very vague ideas I thought of are either a verse on people-watching - the people-watcher sitting in a window seat taking notes - and an aphorism perhaps on the virtues of people-watching; or try to find a new, funny way to say ‘it takes all sorts...’ Easier said than done!

James.
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Mickey at 16:48 on 11 August 2010  Report this post
Hi James,
Thanks for your comments. I had originally intended the opening verse to go at the end but I thought that, as it didn't have a 'time slot' it would jar visually by appearing to run on from the Friday verse? How about closing with:

Going home
In summer sun their flesh will burn
Some of them will never learn
Where's their two-part Day Return?
On the train to Brighton

I can't think of another way of retaining the last line 'to' Brighton other than linking the 'never learn' (getting burnt) with leaving their ticket on the 'down' train?
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V`yonne at 21:02 on 14 August 2010  Report this post
especially liked 2pm I think you need a couple more verses to get us through to the last train...
Read the WriteWords interview with Oonah Joslin (V`yonne)
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Dazza at 23:58 on 23 August 2010  Report this post
Hi Mickey, thanks for this it's really fun and having lived in Brighton for a number of years in the past I totally empahise with it.

Like the others though, I did want more and wonder if you could extend this to be a full 12-hour (or 24) cannon? The Level at midnight or the Market Diner at 2am beg for this treatment for example and the 5:15 train filled with its clash of early risers and late survivors could also be fun.

Fun times and a fun poem (and nostalgic for me) - cheers!

-Dazza.
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joanie at 19:16 on 25 August 2010  Report this post
Mike, I always just love your poetry; the rhymes are perfect. I'm not too familiar with Brighton; you were part of the only time I was there!! ..... however, I can relate to this. What fantastic pictures you paint. I always say that the rhyming poems go down well with the general public - everyone enjoys them!

Another good one!

joanie
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