Re-reading Elsie’s poem ‘Emergency Exit’, I remembered this piece which I wrote a while ago. Can anyone explain why, in possibly the only area where the ubiquitous Health and Safety regulations should be paramount, they are totally non-existent? I couldn’t drive around with ten people squashed into my car, my local pub wouldn’t be allowed to let in five times the number of people the building was designed for, football stadia are now all-seaters, but when it comes to the bloody trains, anything goes!

Rush Hour Incident

A typist on the Underground,
discovered when she turned around,
the stray umbrella up her bum,
was actually a Banker’s thumb!
And so she asked this City Gent,
exactly what he thought he meant
depositing his digit there?
He answered with an icy stare
that, if she opened up her eyes,
the silly girl would realise,
the train’s too full to get a seat,
and so, to stay upon his feet,
he needed to hold on somewhere,
and chose her handy derriere!
The typist - being quite naïve -
accepted this and watched him leave.