Heavenly Twins by Mickey - WriteWords.org.uk

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Heavenly Twins

by Mickey

Posted: 25 September 2017
Word Count: 152
Summary: This is a revised version of something I wrote a while ago after reading some of the metaphysical poets of the 17th century

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Version 2

‘Twould take the words of all the world
to tell of love so true,
and take a cunning linguist
so my native tongue must do.

For there, with lips on moistened lips,
we’d feel our hearts beat faster,
then close we’d lie, like Gemini,
my Pollux to you Castor.

And you would turn the other cheek
and measure give for measure,
for of such love we cannot speak
when mouths are filled with pleasure.

Original

‘Twould take the words of all the world
to tell of love so true,
and take a cunning linguist
so my native tongue must do.

For, here with lips on moistened lips,
we feel our hearts beat faster,
as close we lie, like Gemini,
my Pollux to you Castor.

Now you must turn the other cheek
and measure give for measure,
for tho’ of love we cannot speak
our mouths are filled with pleasure.

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Comments by other Members

V`yonne at 18:29 on 25 September 2017 Report this post

cunni9ng lingistics, bollocks and measure for measure eh? I'll get back when I've calmed down

Read the WriteWords interview with Oonah Joslin (V`yonne)

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Thomas Norman at 18:58 on 26 September 2017 Report this post

Nice one Mickey. The references are cleverly woven in, is that metaphysical? I'm not much up on them!

S1 L4. looses the rhythm a bit.
S2 L1.. I would have used trembling rather than moistened, that's not very romantic.

It's a great poem full with imagination and subtlty.

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Mickey at 08:48 on 27 September 2017 Report this post

I was quite pleased with this poem because I felt I had managed to achieve the unlikely metaphorical comparisons (are they called ‘conceipts’?) that were used by the metaphysical poets of the 17th century.

The ineffable nature of this ‘love so true’ which would require a multi-linguist to express (S1,L1) allows me to imply that the narrator’s ‘native’ tongue will be used instead in the act of oral sex (S1,L3)

This description fails however through sheer anatomical impossibility as the lovers change position (S2,L4). I had hoped to be able to incorporate the imagery of the Cancer star constellation here (the horizontal ‘soixante-neuf’), but I found more potential ‘conceipts’ in that of Gemini.

The two major stars of the Heavenly Twins constellation are usually referred to as ‘Castor and Pollux’, but I thought that, by reversing the order (S2,L4) I would alert the reader, in the style of a Baroque poet, to expect another meaning. ‘Pollux’ of course is fairly obvious, but ‘castor’ is an old alternative word for ‘beaver’ which, in turn, is a slang word for vagina.

I have revised the poem to change the view, so to speak, between lines 2 and 3 of the second verse (a bit like sex scenes in films!) and changed the tense to help the description of the anticipated love-making. I hope it reads better now?