|
|
 |
The Offside Rule
Posted: 30 September 2016
Word Count: 98
Summary: I am a trustee of Haywards Heath Town FC and, this year was considering including a fortnightly poem in each home game match day programme under the general heading of ‘The Half Time Rhyme’ I thought I ought to at least include one piece about the beautiful game
|
Font Size
|
|
To read the Egyptian hieroglyphs
they had the Rosetta Stone,
but try to decipher the offside rule
and you’re on your bloody own!
Up until 1866, ‘goal-hanging’ had been okay,
then the FA amended the Sheffield Rules
to the system we play today.
The boys at the top in their blazers and suits
don’t have to endure all the touchline disputes -
Had the player run back from an offside position?
or whether the linesman’s cocked-up the decision.
But from Berwick to Bournemouth
the rules are the same
and the vexed Law Eleven’s
all part of the game
|
Comments by other Members
| |
 Cliff Hanger at 11:40 on 30 September 2016
 Report this post
|
You should join football poets. www.footballpoets.org
My ridiculous villanelle about Paul Pogba went viral after I put it on there. It's archived by the British Library too. They'd love this one.
Jane
| |
 FelixBenson at 14:18 on 30 September 2016
Report this post
|
Mickey this is great. I thought I understood the offside rule, but maybe I don't!
This raised a smile and this bit:
The boys at the top in their blazers and suits
don’t have to endure all the touchline disputes -
Had the player run back from an offside position?
or whether the linesman’s cocked-up the decision.
I'm seriously envious of the production rate of some of the poets in this group at the moment - I can't keep up with the comments, never mind write as much, but this is a great read.
Sounds like a fab recommendation for further readership from Jane there too. Nice one, Jane. Great to hear how far your villanelle went after WW!
| |
 Mickey at 21:07 on 30 September 2016
Report this post
|
Hi Jane. Thank you for the introduction to footballpoets - I've just signed up and am waiting for the activation email. I read yours on Pogba which I really enjoyed. I'm not sure if I will have anything else to contribute, however, as football poems tend to be a 'I don't belieeeve it!!' sort of reaction to a particular event don't they? I do have a critical analysis of (a completely 'hypothetical' ?!!) football club committee which I might try on WW first.
Kirsty, don't admire my production rate. Of the four pieces I've just posted, the 'New Town Pioneers' was a re-working of one that I've since tried to incorporate into a long autobiographical extension of 'Peckham 1954' (which I think is still in the archive), and 'Skinny Dipper' was written in 2003. The only new pieces are 'The Annual Boys' Mob Race' which is another that I hope to insert into the autobiography, and 'The Offside Rule'. I don't suppose I'll write anything else for months!
Ladies, thank you both for reading and commenting
Mike
<Added>
Jane, I just realised that I already posted 'The Committee' years ago. Do you think it would be acceptable to footballpoets?
| |
 James Graham at 20:37 on 01 October 2016
Report this post
|
Hi Mike - One of your best. I can’t believe you rhyme so effortlessly. I hope some group members will read this comment, because I want to demonstrate for them just what your rhyming skills have achieved in this poem.
The poem gathers speed from line 8, because you use AABB rhyme (couplets) in lines 8-11. The introduction of rhymed couplets, along with anapestic metre, ups the verse from a jog to a sprint. (Anapestic: BOYS at the TOP in their BLAzers and SUITS – one stressed syllable, two unstressed. It kind of skips along.) Then in the last four lines you return to ABCB, but the lines are shorter, which keeps up the pace. The total effect is that the reader races to the finish. Which in turn means that the Haywards Heath fans will probably laugh and happily agree with what the poem says.
The boys at the top in their blazers and suits
don’t have to endure all the touchline disputes
A good point. It’s true of all rule-makers and law-makers, including politicians. Very well expressed. I liked the ‘goal-hanging’ reference, something I didn’t know about. It allowed me to visit the delightful Urban Dictionary, which explained the phrase and gave an alternative expression for the same thing: Cheesy dompers. Have you come across that? Goodness knows what its derivation is.
My only objection is to ‘Berwick to Bournemouth’ – north of Berwick lies Scotland, where football is played. From Thurso to Bournemouth? (F.C. Retro Thurso.) Only joking. A very clever and entertaining poem.
James.
|
|
| |
 AlanRain at 20:45 on 01 October 2016
Report this post
|
I hope some group members will read this comment, because I want to demonstrate for them just what your rhyming skills have achieved in this poem.
Surely all group members read other critiques?
| |
Mickey at 20:59 on 01 October 2016
Report this post
|
Wow, thank you James. This was the last poem I wrote and I really just knocked it off to include in the programme so your detailed analysis leaves me (almost) speechless. Strangely enough, because it was just a short piece which I didn't give much thought to, I am particularly surprised that you found it so entertaining. Thanks again
Mike
<Added>
I had assumed as Berwick was the most northerly town in England that they played in the English Football League. I stand corrected, they are the only team outside of Scotland to play in the Scottish league!
| |
 michwo at 19:09 on 02 October 2016
Report this post
|
So you don't need to change Berwick to Thurso then as you've already included Scotland in your tribute... and in Wales they play rugby!
| |
| |
Comments by other Members
