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Cheese Pot-Noodle
Posted: 08 October 2016
Word Count: 90
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I am the cheese pot hunter
starting in the wood
that lines the lips of Cheddar Gorge
where cheese pot hunters should.
She says the cheese pot’s hidden
in the magic wishing well
“So slide inside and find it”
begs my darling baby, Belle.
She hopes I’m going to find this pot
and her urging’s getting louder.
She only knows the great big ‘O’s
of thinly sliced Dutch Gouda.
But, if I can find her cheese pot
she won’t ‘Go Dutch’ again,
so I am very Caerphilly
exploring the terrain.
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Comments by other Members
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 James Graham at 19:40 on 09 October 2016
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Where did this come from? If you can be outside of the box and off the wall at the same time, this is it. It’s a highly amusing little surreal (unreal even) situation, a notch or two above your usual humorous pieces because it’s so unexpected.
You follow the principles of good rhyming by placing the plainer rhyming line first and the more telling line second. I especially like louder/Gouda: you can’t know for sure that no-one has ever rhymed ‘louder’ and ‘Gouda’ before, but this may be a first. Rhyme can often give us the pleasure of being taken by surprise; this is an excellent example.
The last line of the last verse is a bit weaker. It’s not a punch line like the others. How would it be to switch this verse?
So I am very Caerphilly
exploring the terrain.
If I can find her cheese pot
she won’t ‘Go Dutch’ again.
The effect of ‘Caerphilly’ wouldn’t be lost, and you’d have more of a punch line at the end - more of a surprise. ‘Caerphilly’, by the way, is brilliant: it doesn’t actually work perfectly as the stress on ‘carefully’ is different, but somehow that makes it funnier.
I would change the title. For me, ‘Pot-Noodle’ is a hint that this is a silly little poem, and it’s not. Not at all.
James.
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 Mickey at 20:16 on 09 October 2016
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Sorry all. You've put me in a bit of a 'spot'. This isn't about cheese at all. I thought I was being overly smutty, but perhaps the last line should read 'her' terrain?
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 Cliff Hanger at 20:38 on 09 October 2016
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Yes. I got it. G rather than C spot. You must be a big fan of cheese nonetheless.
Caerphilly
exploring her terrain
ditto LOL
Jane
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James Graham at 20:46 on 09 October 2016
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Well, I can see it now. I must be more Victorian than I had thought, because it never occurred to me! Now I'm thinking I wish it were about cheese! It would be more original .
James.
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 michwo at 20:58 on 10 October 2016
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Adult humour, Mickey, but I thought the pun with 'Caerphilly' for 'carefully' was brilliant nevertheless!
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Mickey at 10:17 on 11 October 2016
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Hardly 'adult humour' Michael if nobody got it! Thank you all for reading me
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 nickb at 20:44 on 17 October 2016
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Hi Mickey, sorry I've come to this late but love the humour in it. The best adult humour is clever rather than smutty, and you've certainly achieved that. Love it.
Nick
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Comments by other Members
Jojovits1
V`yonne
Cheesy grin!
