Joella

The prologue is as crucial to the beginning of the story as it is to the end. Much of what you read may seem a little confusing, unexplained. This is deliberate, for many threads to this story, hidden within this beginning, will unravel as the story proceeds. 

HALLOWEEN POEM FROM HAPPY BOTTOM * I'd appreciate comments to help me improve this. I set out to write something completely different, though can't remember what! Was going to delete, but a friend liked it, so would like to tidy it up. How does it read for you? Is the rhythm okay? All comments much appreciated. Thanks! 

Halloween poem from Happy Bottom. I'd appreciate your comments on this revised edition of the poem.  

Next instalment in the Happy Bottom series. Happy Bottom is a story made up of a series of poems that inter-relate like chapters in a book. Cat and Mouse Capers is the fourth poem. I have an illustrator, we hope to self publish next year and I would really appreciate your comments into any aspect of this verse. Thank you! 

THIS IS A REVISION OF CAT & MOUSE CAPERS. IT IS THE FOURTH INSTALMENT OF THE HAPPY BOTTOM SERIES. I WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR COMMENTS. THANK YOU! 

Cat and Mouse Capers is about the hapless Major Payne and all the characters in Happy Bottom. 

The next instalment of the Happy Bottom saga. Story about a hapless Major who inherits his Uncle Derry Ayres Bottom! It's long. Is it too long? Is there a chapter that you think could be omitted? Your comments would be much appreciated.  

This is the prelude to the Happy Bottom sagas. It tells how Major Payne inherited Happy Bottom from his Uncle Derry Ayres. Age group - 7 -8 ? Think Happy Bottom will be suitable for fluent readers, good for practising reading aloud and also fun bedtime stories. If anyone has children of this age, would appreciate your views. Generally, all comments very welcome, of course. 

A FOLLOW ON TO MAJOR PAYNE IN HAPPY BOTTOM SCRATCHY BOTTOM, LIKE HAPPY BOTTOM, IS A PLACE IN DORSET. 

Having written lots of rhyming stories about Major Payne in Happy Bottom, I've come up with a new character. Scratchy Bottom, like Happy Bottom, is a real place in Dorset. I'm rewriting the first series for younger children, as I don't feel they have a target audience at present. I'd be grateful for comments on this poem, for I hope it's suitable for 6/7 year olds. (?) Younger if read to, maybe? Many thanks. Joella. 

This is the next Happy Bottom installment. I'd be grateful for your views. 

Another Happy Bottom instalment. Major Payne has to do battle with the cock Napoleon, who now rules Rooster's Folly. Can the cock be tamed? *As I've said, targeting 7-8 year olds (9?). I hope they'll be fun to read, or for younger children to listen to. All comments much appreciated. Regards 

This is the first in a series of poems about Happy Bottom. The poems actually build into a series of adventures, though some mainly introduce characters. They are humorous, maybe some parts more enjoyed by adults. The individual poems interlink, like chapters in a book. Incidentally - Happy Bottom is a real place not far from where I live and the River Piddle is only a couple of miles down the road. 

I've revised / edit Happy Bottom's 'Not So Cheep' poem, in the light of WW member comments. It has changed a great deal. I hope the rhythm is better. I'd appreciate any comments and advice on punctuation. Never quite sure where to put the comas. Your help is valued and much appreciated. 

The original version was several pages long and probably more suited to adults. I've changed it completely, and hope it's more suited to children 7 - 8 years old. I'd appreciate comments if anyone's got the time to review this poem. Many thanks. 

The third instalment from Happy Bottom. I'd appreciate any comments. Does it flow well? Suggested amendments gratefully received. Previous comments have been extremely helpful. I'd like to improve this. Is it too clipped? Do you think the lines need to be longer? Thank you! 

This is the second poem in the Happy Bottom series. I would very much appreciate your comments. Thank you! 

This has been rewritten in light of comments received from members. I hope it now has a better structure and you find it more enjoyable. Thanks! 

These poems have been edited and redrafted in light of comments made on the originals. All comments welcome. Be honest - I can take it!  

The prologue is essential to the story. It shows Ben's depressed mood due to a harrowing event and the story is about the journey that brings him full circle to this hollow point in his life. 

There is no preamble to this story. The prologue holds a few clues to the plot and you meet most of the main character in the opening pages. There is some strong language in the beginning. This story portrays a tangled web of love won and lost, owed much to denial and deceit. But it is an act of unspeakable betrayal which ultimately has Ben's life hanging by a precarious thread..... I'd appreciate comments on this chapter. Thanks! 

Following on from the prologue, this chapter sets the foundation for the story. Ben has long protected Roxanne from racist bullies. However, the game is up, denial is no longer an option and he is finally prepared to stand and fight. The consequences will colour his life and have a profound impact upon his future. This has been revised in the light of previous comments. I would appreciate your honest opinions. Thank you.  

Having been blamed for the fight with Selby Smith, Ben returns to school to deal with the consequences. 

Having been blamed for the fight in Friday, Ben returns to school to face the consequences ... I would really appreciate your comments. 

Returning to school after forced to fight on Friday, Ben is prepared for the consequences. He stands his ground in the Deputy Heads Office, what unfolds could not have been anticipated. 

Ben finally faces the punishment at the hands of the Deputy Headteacher who is rapidly losing the plot and Cappy, who is looking to avenge Smith's defeat. 

Ben is at home recovering from injuries sustained at school. A surprise visit from a friend and brewing suspicions over Roxanne, leaves an unanswered question. 

Ben returns to school and is surprised by his reception. (Is this too long ..?) 

Ben receives the election result and finds his emotions compromised by Eloise. 

This version has taken account of comments from previous editions. 

Ben has to overcome the trauma of what happened at school. Trying to put the events out of his mind, he focuses on his relationship with his mother and laments the loss of his father. 

MUCH REVISED PROLOGE FOR TORN. WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR VIEWS. 

Rather a chronological summary of the events in the story. Is this the best way? 

I have attempted to shorten the synopsis and would be grateful for any comments on its content and structure. Thank you! 

Taking on board what was said re other editions, I have tried to rewrite concentrating on the main characters only. I'd appreciate comments from anyone who has the time and patience to respond. Thank you.