IVAN ITCH OF SCRATCHY BOTTOM

(I've revised this from original posting)

Ivan Itch sailed the seven seas
but now the time had come
to say farewell to rats and fleas
that liked to bite his ... leg.

He wanted to be a farmer
find some land' and that he did
buying up 'Scratchy Bottom'
from big, pot bellied, Sid.

Ivan Itch's Scratchy Bottom
had no house upon the land
so he built himself a cabin
and thought it very grand.

Trembling in his bed one night
he feared his heart would fail
when lightening struck, thunder roared
and wind force reached a gale.

A mighty storm picked up his house
and tossed it to the sky
the roof flew off, the walls fell down
and Ivan had to fly.

He travelled into outer space
and almost to the moon
when down, down, down past stars he fell
afraid he'd meet his doom.

A vicar standing with his flock
saw an angel in the skies,
as the man in white descended
they covered up their eyes.

Poor Ivan was embarrassed
when those who dared to glance
saw under his billowing nightshirt
he wore pink polka dot pants.