IVAN ITCH AND SCRATCHY BOTTOM (2)
Posted: 12 September 2010 Word Count: 196 Summary: A FOLLOW ON TO MAJOR PAYNE IN HAPPY BOTTOM
SCRATCHY BOTTOM, LIKE HAPPY BOTTOM, IS A PLACE IN DORSET.
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IVAN ITCH OF SCRATCHY BOTTOM
(I've revised this from original posting)
Ivan Itch sailed the seven seas but now the time had come to say farewell to rats and fleas that liked to bite his ... leg.
He wanted to be a farmer find some land' and that he did buying up 'Scratchy Bottom' from big, pot bellied, Sid.
Ivan Itch's Scratchy Bottom had no house upon the land so he built himself a cabin and thought it very grand.
Trembling in his bed one night he feared his heart would fail when lightening struck, thunder roared and wind force reached a gale.
A mighty storm picked up his house and tossed it to the sky the roof flew off, the walls fell down and Ivan had to fly.
He travelled into outer space and almost to the moon when down, down, down past stars he fell afraid he'd meet his doom.
A vicar standing with his flock saw an angel in the skies, as the man in white descended they covered up their eyes.
Poor Ivan was embarrassed when those who dared to glance saw under his billowing nightshirt he wore pink polka dot pants.
Comments by other Members
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Joella at 14:42 on 12 September 2010
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Glad you enjoyed it, Nick. Looked at your blog and saw the mile stone. Have you heard of Happy Bottom? Also in Dorset, near Corfe Mullen. I've written a whole series of Major Payne in Happy Bottom.
Regards, Joella.
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Bunbry at 16:31 on 13 September 2010
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Hi, no I didn't know about Happy Bottom (although I'm a relative newcommer to Dorset).
I wish you lots of luck with The Major!
Nick
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V`yonne at 16:55 on 13 September 2010
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LOL Nice narration! It could maybe use a tweak in place for the rhythm eg
A vicar watching with his flock
saw an angel in the skies,
as the man in white descended
they covered up their eyes.
and not sure you need 'he wore, on the last line but it's so deliciously funny!
If you've no plans for it we like a laugh at EDP
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FelixBenson at 18:28 on 13 September 2010
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Hi Joella
ha ha. I enjoyed this. I agree with Oonah, I am not sure you need the last line. It makes for a suitably 'blushing' end to this funny poem.
I wondered if this line:
then the roof flew off, walls fell down |
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might sound better as:
the roof flew off, the walls fell down |
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But that might be just me!
Enjoyed!
Kirsty
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Joella at 21:03 on 13 September 2010
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Thank you, Yvonne. Glad you like it. I take your point and will make the change. Comment much appreciated.
Thanks again, Joella.
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Joella at 21:06 on 13 September 2010
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Hi Kirsty and thanks for taking the time to read and respond to this poem. The line you have illustrated once said what you suggest. I'l reinstate it. Thanks for the suggestion. Much appreciate your thoughts on this piece.
Kind regards, Joella.
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Heather3 at 20:00 on 26 September 2010
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a real Give Readers A Smile piece. wonderful. and i imagine the pictures to go with it would be great too. i like rhyme in pieces like this as they drive it on and make it even more entertaining.
for the first stanza I'd quite like: That liked to bite his bum!
but that might just be me
heather
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Joella at 21:45 on 26 September 2010
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Thank you, Heather. I'm glad you like it. I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond. I thought about including
'That liked to bite his bum! '- but thought the inference might make it funnier.
Regards, Joella.
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