HAPPY BOTTOM

With curtains drawn, the light was dim
and Major Payne was sleeping in
But dreams turned nightmare, in his head
When something jumped upon the bed.

Struggling, in a lot of bother
fending off disgusting slobber
slid off the bed, then clumsy clot
put one foot in the chamber pot.

A yucky sock, just wasn’t on
but once the soggy thing was gone
grabbing spectacles from their case
he tried to see the creature’s face.

Peering through glasses in the gloom
he could now see around the room
The beast was hairy, as are most
but few come with the morning post.

Woofbot frowned, not at all impressed
when Major Payne, now getting dressed
thanking him kindly for his post
said what he’d like was tea and toast.

In the mail there was a letter
and its news could not be better:
Derry Ayres, who’d died in Tottom
left Major Payne his Happy Bottom.