radavies1uk

What to say, I guess this is more poem than flash, similar to some earlier stuff I wrote. 

Trying to play with onomatopeaic words and tension building. Does this work? 

This was initially a sketched out abstract, but refined a little and I'm hoping it encapsulates enough to be a story in-itself. What do you guys think? 

I've been offline for a LONG while. Thought I'd post some stuff I've recently typed up from notepads. Any feedback would be great, be harsh as you can :) 

It's been ages since I posted (been working like a nutter so not written much either) so thought I'd post something pretty quick on here :) 

I have no idea if this works, but was a fun thought :) (each 11th syllable seems to add a break I can't seem to resolve or balance) 

Cut a lot of extra from this. 

I'm not sure if an arguing monologue counts as contradiction. 

I've tried to completely drop the rhyme and cut as much as possible while still getting the point across. Works?? 

I found myself on a long train journey and started on this. I have a few ideas to do something similar with repetitive interwoven sequences to try and create a golden circle effect. But I don't know if it's worth the bother. 

I don't know if this is a valid poem form or not, but I was playing about a few years back and had this. Any opions on this? It kind of links with discussion on the Select * FROM piece. 

I've no idea why I did this. Anyone get this or is it just too far fetched? 

A couple of mates, sitting around. 

Tale of a guy, some other guys, some girls too, some space ships, and a conspiracy, maybe. I need some honest feedback, I'm not sure whether to finish it or not, and what errors I have made, where the story loses itself, or how I can improve it's direction to lose my block on the next piece.