Steerpike`s sister

Next bit! Prologue has been more or less scrapped. 

I would particularly like to know what you think of Snotwhelp's slanguage. I hope to make it more like Danish in the re-write, at the moment it draws mostly on French. But maybe it is just too confusing? Does it work? 

The start of a new novel. Intended to be adventure-thriller with the theme of 'faith'... 

I hope I'm not posting too often here! It is just very useful to get the feedback, it really helps with revision. In this chapter, Mariposa gets some new information, and it changes her attitude (and hopefully makes her less passive!) 

I'd like what people think of this new version of Chapter 1, please. I've tried to make the whole more "active". 

Thought I'd press ahead with posting, if anyone wants to see earlier chapters they're in the archive. I feel Mariposa may come across as too passive in this chapter (see the end). Plus it probably takes too long to get started (this chapter). What does anyone think of the plot development? 

Any comments welcome as usual! Preceding chapters with comments available in the archives. 

It would be great to have some more of your helpful comments on this. Thanks! 

It's been a long gap between uploads - sorry about that! It is finished, and any day now I am planning to sit down, re-read, edit and do a big subs. push. 

Taking into account your helpful advice,especially on chapters 4 and 5, I've revised these chapters to try and make Mariposa less passive, while still showing that she's blocked by her fear and uncertainty. I've tried to bring out her internal dilemmas more and to make her more questioning of her situation. What do you think - has it helped? 

I hope this works! I'm not sure how to make the italics for her thoughts come through, I'm afraid. 

Have tried to develop the ending so it is less abrupt. 

I have worked on the opening of Light-well, now called The Secret of Flight, some more. I'm just trying to introduce the main themes and plot strands as quickly as possible, as well as getting the characters of Zak and his mother established in this first bit. 

I've never written a sci-fi piece before, it was certainly interesting! The backwards thing made my brain hurt. Should come with a health warning :) 

This continues on from Mariposa waking up in the hospital. Any thoughts on how it develops, or not, etc. the story, character, would be appreciated. Anything that strikes you at all, really. first chapter should be in the archive, I think. 

sorry to post same old story again. 

I thought I'd post chapter 3 as one tends to send 3 chaps. plus synopsis to agents/ editors, so it's useful to know how the first 3 chapters grab people as a whole. As usual, any comments are welcome, anything I've missed or could improve - etc. Previous chapters are in the archive for anyone who wants them. 

Hoping for some more of your very useful feedback! I'd like to know if you're enjoying it,how the pacing is going, whether you're confused, anything that strikes you really. Having given it space for a bit, I am just looking through the draft in hopes of sending it to the agent soon, does it seem "agent-ready?" Thanks in advance! 

This is the point at which I think the archaeology/ history might become a bit hard to follow. I have thought of a way to simplify it if necessary, but would really help to know if you found the history confusing. 

I can't seem to get it to end!! I've been trying for ages and the story just seems to go on and on... I was hoping for a nice neat ending at 2K words, but no. What do you think of this? 

Synopsis: 16 year old Joo Russell's life is turned upside down when her father leaves to live with another woman. She obssessively tries to get him back, and drives her friends away in the process. It is only when her Italian mother decides to go on a winter holiday to find her roots, that Joo manages to finally find closure.