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Moon Rabbit version 2

by Steerpike`s sister 

Posted: 22 August 2008
Word Count: 210
Summary: Have tried to develop the ending so it is less abrupt.
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MOON RABBIT

Moon Rabbit goes racing, racing, racing.
Moon Rabbit goes chasing, chasing, chasing.

Over the stars – hop! Across the clouds – skip!
All the way down, to a little round ball called Earth.

Moon Rabbit goes racing, racing, racing.
Moon Rabbit goes chasing, chasing, chasing.

Over the trees – hop! Across the seas – skip!
All the way to a little town called Your Town.

Moon Rabbit goes racing, racing, racing.
Moon Rabbit goes chasing, chasing, chasing.

Over the lamp-posts – hop! Across the roof-tops – skip!
All the way to a sleepy street called Your Street.

Moon Rabbit is looking, looking, looking.
His bright eyes shine in the windows.
He's looking for his best friend, but his best friend isn’t there.

Where are You?

Driving, driving, driving.
Driving with Daddy in a big fast car.

Here comes Moon Rabbit, chasing, chasing.
Here comes Moon Rabbit, racing, racing.
Keeping pace beside the car.

Wave to Moon Rabbit! Here we are!

Moon Rabbit, Moon Rabbit, we've been far.
Driving, driving, in the car.
Now we're tired and coming home.
Are you sleepy? Nearly there…

You and Moon Rabbit, found each other.
Snuggle up beneath the covers.
Moon Rabbit's eyes shine bright, shine strong.
Keep you safe, all night long.






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Comments by other Members



fluffybunny at 11:52 on 24 August 2008  Report this post
Leila that is so much better - it's lovely - fantastic edit!!!
Little kids will love it

Here comes Moon Rabbit, chasing, chasing.
Here comes Moon Rabbit, racing, racing.
Keeping pace beside the car.


just one little thought and open for others to comment - would this read better with your 3 repetition?

What do you have in your head as illustrations?
Regards
Jeanette
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Steerpike`s sister at 17:21 on 24 August 2008  Report this post
Thanks, I'm glad you like it. How do you mean with the 3rd repetition, exactly?
I imagine quite dream-like but also energetic illustrations. Maybe something like Jane Ray, or Tanya Batt's The White Bear King. Not cartoony. Lots of blue and silver...

<Added>

Nicoletta Ceccoli seems to be the illustrator for Tanya Batt.
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fluffybunny at 18:16 on 01 September 2008  Report this post
Here comes Moon Rabbit, chasing, chasing.
Here comes Moon Rabbit, racing, racing.
Keeping pace beside the car.


would become

Here comes Moon Rabbit, chasing, chasing, chasing.
Here comes Moon Rabbit, racing, racing, racing.
Keeping pace beside the car.


as per your earlier verses.

Just a thought
Kind regards
Jeanette
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Beanie Baby at 21:10 on 10 September 2008  Report this post
Wow! The energy of this almost took my breath away. It is so original and beautiful - and even wih all the racing, racing and chasing, chasing, there was an undeniable safety and comfort rendered through the words all the way to the end. I think little ones would adore it and want it read over and over again and I see it with soft pastel-like illustrations rather than with bold colours. I think it does need another draft at least but I certainly don't think it should be wasted!
Beanie.
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Steerpike`s sister at 20:23 on 16 September 2008  Report this post
Thank you! I've been on holiday but I'm looking forward to getting back into the writing.
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Myrtle at 08:46 on 16 October 2008  Report this post
Leila, I thought this was wonderful. My little boy would absolutely love it. Good luck with it.
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MarlaD at 10:33 on 21 November 2008  Report this post
Oh this is cool Leila!

I know some people don't like the books with personalisations in such as names, or in this case, towns & streets in..

..but I think they make fantastic keepsakes..

I think Jeanette has a point about the repetition..

Smiles,

Gail x
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