notanodalisque

I'm trying something I haven't done before, here, and I'm not sure it works. I'd like to know if it feels overwritten, because I wonder if the language is too heavy. I was also unsure of how heavy-handed to be with with the point of the story, so tell me your reactions and I'll know if it is too subtle. All comments warmly recieved! 

I haven't written poetry in years. Three attempts which I would like to improve, if possible. Comments very welcome!