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Toads

by notanodalisque 

Posted: 15 September 2009
Word Count: 755
Related Works: Vegetables • 

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The Toad squats at the front of the classroom. His only animate parts are his eyeballs. At least once he must have moved his hand, because Geoffrey was marked on the forehead, mid-whisper, with chalk at high velocity, but no one witnessed its takeoff or flight. It is the last week of term, and thirty boys ooze sweat and restlessness in a sun cage, memorising Latin verbs.

The Toad’s vigilance can’t defeat us this time. We have a plan. Once an hour the Toad fills his pipe. This requires him to shift his gaze, momentarily, to his tin and tobacco. A short window for action.

This plan has been months in the making. In Spring, Jeremy spotted the breeding toads and called us to share in the grotesque event. Sam had the idea.

Every one of us has a toad, spawned of the copulation we witnessed, hidden in a desk or a pocket. The Toad puts one significant glance out into the room and opens the lid of his desk. Every boy withdraws his toad and, suddenly, thirty toads are loose in the room. Jeremy, struggling, drops his toad box with a clatter and we all freeze. A toad hops from the hands of a still boy. The desk lid stays up and a board rubber flies past my head to clip Jeremy on the ear.

There isn’t a hand or eye out of place when the Toad closes the desk lid. Several seconds pass before the Toad spots a greeny-brown movement in the shadows.

We have high hopes for Sam’s toad. It is the biggest, the wartiest, the most knobbled and gnarled of any of our specimens. The first toad released, it made a great bound towards the Toad’s desk. Now, however, it skulks in the shade behind his chair. Geoffrey’s toad, on the other hand, small and weedy as it is, makes steady progress through the room. Up the left aisle, onto Arthur’s empty chair and then his desk. It sits still for a moment, half hidden in the ink well. The Toad’s eyes fall directly on it, but are drawn quickly to a stirring at the back of the room.

Geoffrey’s toad is eyeing the Toad’s desk. The Toad’s composure is becoming compromised, his eyes dart between half-seen movements and stillnesses about the room. Unsure of what he sees, he unclamps his pipe from his teeth, and sets it down on the top of his desk, the leans forward to peer into the shadows. Out of the corners of our eyes we watch Geoffrey‘s toad. The gulf between the desks and the threat of its detection makes the sweat poor from our hands onto our slippery pens. As the Toad begins to sink back to his seat Geoffrey’s hero makes a frog-like leap onto the desk, landing on the very edge and scrabbling up. Scuttling along the desk the tiny toad mounts the pipe.

At first only Sam and I seem to have noticed. In horror, we both fix our gaze on the pipe as the Toad reaches forward. It rises above the desk. Our stares have alerted the others, by the time it reaches the Toad’s mouth, every eye in the room is fixed on the Toad’s face. He glares back, until we bow our heads, then, he lighting a match, he brings a flame to the bowl of the pipe. Geoffrey’s toad, feeling its posterior singe, gives a reedy croak and leaps forward into the Toad’s face.

I remember the uproar. The Toad made a reedy croak himself, flung his pipe away and batted at the toad falling from his nose. The match, the pipe and its contents bounced and scattered over Sam’s desk igniting his Latin verbs to a smoulder then leaping flames. Boys jostling away from the fire tripped over each other’s toads, and the Toad himself, raking his surroundings for the amphibian attacker, brought a broad, leather sole down on Sam’s monster. Jeremy, running from the room, yelled ‘fire!’ continuously, increasing his speed and volume until he reached the headmaster’s office. By the time he returned a crowd of pupils and teachers blocked the door. As the headmaster began to wade through the crowd, the Toad spotted Geoffrey’s innocent amphibian and lunged at it with a shout. He emerged in time to see the Toad slip on the slimy remains of Sam’s monstrous beast and fall into a knot of whole and trampled toads.

For one glorious day, the toad work did not squat on our lives.






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Comments by other Members



pwhybrow at 15:07 on 15 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Nicola

It took a few reads to get my head around this story but once I did it was quite amusing. I like the style of your prose here. It takes me back to my school days (teachers used to throw things all the time back then) though I never did latin.

This really gave me a chuckle:


Out of the corners of our eyes we watch Geoffrey‘s toad. The gulf between the desks and the threat of its detection makes the sweat poor from our hands onto our slippery pens.


I noted a couple of typos only but I am sure others will do a line by line critique at some stage.

An amusing and interesting first post.

Peter

StephB at 13:07 on 16 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Nicola,

This piece did make me laugh. And cringe for the poor, squished toads.

The imagery is lovely - I could be one of the kids in the room; I have a vivid picture of the teacher and can feel the tension of the students as they wait for the plan to take effect.

This is a great story!

Steph x

SJ Williamson at 18:29 on 17 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Nicola!

What a lovely yucky story! It does indeed have some beautiful imagery, as Steph says. I thought it was great fun, too. As Peter says, it took me back to Mr Andrews at my school who was very much the board-rubber throwing champion of all the teachers!

I don't profess to know very much at all about the technicalities of writing, so I won't begin to comment on them. One thing I would ask, is if anybody else found it a bit tricky to cope with the Toad (teacher) and all the toads, in the classroom? I'm not sure if technically it's right, but could you say "The Toad" with capital T's on both words when referring to the teacher? I'm perhaps talking nonsense here so feel free to ignore me!

a frog-like leap


- I stumbled over the "frog" here because ... well, they are toads (giggle)!! I think you could just put "leap" and it would be fine.

then, he lighting a match, he brings a flame to the bowl of the pipe


- think there is a little glitch here?

Well done you for posting, and it was very entertaining. Looking forward to more, Nicola.

SJxx

Mand245 at 05:38 on 18 September 2009  Report this post
A grossly entertaining story - I really enjoyed this.

I do agree with SJ that you should use capital letters for the teacher: The Toad

The desk lid stays up and a board rubber flies past my head to clip Jeremy on the ear.

What a wonderfully evocative line - took me back years!

makes the sweat poor

typo "pour" not "poor"

down on the top of his desk, the leans forward to peer

typo "then leans"

then, he lighting a match, he brings a flame to the bowl of the pipe

"...then, lighting a match..."

hero makes a frog-like leap onto the desk

It sounded strange for the toad to be "frog-like". Maybe a "giant" leap

The last paragraph was written in the past tense which didn't really work for me. If there had been an opening paragraph - "I remember when..." sort of thing, and then the central section as a flash back in "present" tense, and then the final paragraph, this would have been fine, but as it is it didn't seem quite right and personally I would have kept the whole thing in the present tense - just my opinion.

Most enjoyable. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

Mand



fbtoast at 01:41 on 20 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Nicola

I thought that was well-written and controlled. I like the finishing line and the reference to that poem by whoever it is. Ties it all up nicely and makes sense of the theme of the story.

Nicole

freynolds at 07:51 on 24 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Nicola,

What an entertaining little story. It took me back to school days, too. We had a science teacher that was not unlike The Toad and we played a few tricks, as well. This is very amusing.

Others have mentioned making the distinction between the toads and The Toad and I would concur with the suggestion to make for an easier-to-follow read.

Great stuff,

Fabienne


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