Separabit

Hello,I am a real newbie, just joined today. So here goes. In at the deep end. Although I have classified this under fiction, the Siege of Colchester was very real indeed. It lasted twelve weeks and saw people eating rats and horses to stay alive. Half a dog sold for six shillings. The following story could have happened as the water pipes were taken by the Parliamentarians to make lead bullets. I am concerned about the dialogue grammar, is it Ok? Feedback please. Thanks