Response to the TV/Radio/press coverage.

The Trouble With Harry – Las Vegas Notebook

I was, until this week, blissfully unaware that my life experience was deficient in the cavorting department. I feel cheated. Challenged. I’m panicking.

Is it compulsory? A civic duty? Do I need an ‘excused cavorting’ note? Can I get it on the National Health?

Grammatically: is there a 1st person singular of the verb to cavort? Is it a necessary condition that there are others present, or can I cavort alone? These are urgent questions as my supply of unknown naked women is sadly, with the passage of time and the way of things, diminishing rapidly.

Are there cavorters(ors) and cavortees – each with different roles? I need to know the etiquette. Does everyone have to be naked, or just me? Must I cover my own genitals, or is there ever any reciprocity involved? It’s worrying. Is ginger hair or a Royal title essential or can lowly citizens cavort? Will it be in the next Olympics?

On reflection perhaps it is just an archaic practice, way past its sell-by date and of no relevance to our lives in the 21st century. Best ignored in the hope that perhaps it will wither away of its own accord when we realise we no longer need it.

Tongues and cheeks and all that. A story to brighten up a rainy Summer. All power to your..............elbow sir.