Butt-wise Angelina Jolie is OK with me. Better than alright. She also has the high cheek boned structure of lasting beauty courtesy perhaps of her part Iroquois blood; and the rest of the kit is more than up to snuff. But Director Florian HVonD seems obsessed. Shot like an extended Chanel No 5 advert, in The Tourist Florrie dresses and edits initially to emphasise the Jolie rear then lingers longingly on every mannequinish upwards tilt of the head, sensual slight parting of the lips, catwalk swagger of the hips, teasing glide of the unfulfilled fantasy of the opening zip. Id hang one on him Brad, the guys making love to your wife on screen.

If that seems a lot about Angelina Jolie, that reflects the film. Inexplicably affecting a Joanna Lumley accent, Ms Jolie appears to feel that conveying Englishness requires her to invest her always impeccable ex model posture with a self conscious stiff froideur: as if she is secreting an extremely long icicle from her aforementioned lower regions into her elegant, swan like neck. But Joanna Lumley does a much better Joanna Lumley than Angelina, who can only set a hands off ice maiden untouchability against Joannas delicious air of haughtiness leads to naughtiness.

OK ladies, I know, when Johnny the sharks around, whos looking at the bait? I guess fans will find his self deprecating and gauche, hairy and bemused Maths teacher Frank Tupelo profoundly endearing. Yes the burning, deep eyes belie the character and the talented Mr Depp has the comic timing to make the best of the far too few, sharp one liners in the script. But sad to say folks, there is very little chemistry on screen between these two iconic fantasy lovers.

This movie has a pretty chequered history and it shows. Switches in Casting and Direction as is often the case, leave the end result unresolved in conception. The Tourist hovers uncomfortably between a light crime Romcom and a more edgy thriller with a love interest. Elsie, sorry Elise, is being watched by Paul Bettanys English cops trying to capture her financier lover who disappeared owing 750m in tax. Meanwhile ruthless gangster Reginald (Reginald?!) Shaw, an OTT Steven Berkoff, claims first dibs as he was taken for 2billion. The absentee lover gets a message to Elise to catch the train to Venice and pick up any guy and pretend hes him, so to speak. We are all of course going to accept this without demur because the fugitive is reputed to have had 20m in plastic surgery. As plot devices go, pretty ho hum. At least no twins.

With some empathy and much green eyed envy we guys of course buy into Franks (thats not a very good name, its the only one Ive got) appalling dilemma: picked up by Angelina on a train and sharing a luxury Venice hotel overnight. Well I guess a guys gotta do what a guys gotta do. It would be ungentlemanly to refuse. As the film unwinds Frank swaps fall guy for Sir Galahad and defends her against gangsters and cops alike. In a marginally plausible plot, the final twist is more wishful thinking fun than credible outcome, but it wraps up in a nice neat bow a routine little movie masquerading as a big one.

Not bad for a night out. Safe if its a first date. But it is exasperating to see the under challenged talent, from Depp to Florrie (who directed and co wrote the marvellous Lives of Others), and Oscar winning screenwriters Christopher McQuarry (The Usual Suspects) and Julian Fellowes (Gosford Park and Downton Abbey). One waits hopefully for a Director who can get something worthwhile out of Jolie: Michael Winterbottom got closest with the Mighty Heart. That might be the clue, she was politically engaged in that dramatised documentary. For me Eastwood miscast her in The Changeling, Jolie is made to play intelligent, professional parts, she cant play the ordinary, the everyday. I would love to see her in a serious courtroom based drama or indeed another politically committed piece. We wont be able to take her parts seriously until she does so herself. For that she has to play someone she respects.

(Forgive the abbreviation Florrie but with a name like Florian Henckel Von Donnersmarck itself shortened from his birth name: Florian Maria Georg Christian Graf Henckel Von Donnersmarck you can see the problem).

Good job his dad doesnt Direct: Maria Lazurus Leo Ferdinand Romwolt Wilhem Edwin Gerhard Stefan Graf Henckel Von Donersmarck.

Sounds like a German World Cup teamsheet.

See also: www.zettelfilmreviews.co.uk

PS: Please forgive the eccentric punctuation: as you may know there is a problem on this part of the WW site.

I think you've mentioned an important drawback with Hollywood's habit of fetishising female (and sometimes male) body parts. Acting ability has had a minor role since the initiation of the studio system. There seems to be something in the American psyche that demands icons of physical perfection (according to current fads.)

Exaggeration's not a problem in paintings and sculpture In the past freakishly endowed (or enhanced) stars could just be cast as 'showgirls' and nobody turned a hair. I think it's a problem with realistic narrative.

Stars who might as well be Martians for all their resemblance to ordinary human beings have to be fitted into story lines and interact with people of normal appearance; audiences need to suspend disbelief, not wonder how the other characters in are able to keep straight faces.

I thought this was a particular problem with The Changeling . Angelina Jolie played, I think, a telephone exchange operator. I kept expecting people to rush up to her and say, 'Hey, with your looks, why don't you go into movies?'

The recent obsession with lips seems to have found its apotheosis with Angelina Jolie - a woman who combines caucasian skin tones and African body features. (I read somewhere it was the African rather than the Native American ancestory that determined her appearance, but we're not likely to know.)

I saw Angelina Jolie perform in a role that seemed made for her - that of Grendel's mother in 'Beowulf', opposite Ray Winstone. It was made in that CTI style that converts images of actors and sets into cartoon images. Ray Winstone was made to look like a blonde Johnny Weismuller. The part of Grendel's mother was converted for film purposes into the archetypal Hollywood siren, and an ethereal serpent-like Angelina was presented rising from a lake. Her hyper-real appearance, unclothed - was perfect.

I've only seen trails of The Tourist, but at least Jolie does seem to have been cast as some kind of mysterious 'other' with whom the homespun hero becomes mixed up. Further 'vamp' roles might be in the pipline

Sheila

Interesting analysis Sheila. I rather agree.

Didn't see Beowulf as I appear to have developed an aversion to all forms of animation recently. Pity, as some are very good.

It is certainly true that if you were to put the ingredients required for an 'idealised' woman to appeal to world markets, in to a computer something like Jolie would be the result. Whether Native American or African it is the dignity of the chieftain that gives Jolie that special quality I think.

Most current pure Hollywood films fail to compare with the best in their history because of a pre-occupation with action against characterisation. The other failing which The Tourist exemplifies, is putting all the money into the stars and production values. In both cases the fundamental failure is not to put enough time, money and effort in the script. This is lazily plotted and the writing not much more than adequate. Given the writing talent involved that is the biggest disappointment of The Tourist for me. When Hollywood gets that right - I and perhaps we, will forgive them anything.

z

Well, I'm encouraged to go to see it. I think it's still on at Cineworld here.

Sheila

Finally got around to seeing this, in somewhat uncomfortable conditions, it's true, which may have skewed reception. As it's been out for some time the film was relegated to the smallest 'screen' in my local cineworld. But as it was Boxing Day, it was full.

I thought the final scene, given a fillip by the menacing presence of Steve Berkoff all set to slice up Angelina if she didn't know the safe combination, was as tense as anything I've seen lately. Paul Bethany in the surveillance van telling his gang to hold fire until the hero appeared to rescue the damsel and Johnny Depp's reprise of his balcony act added to the pleasure. The twist was a complete surprise.

But whatt a shame this couldn't have been the first scene, although of course it would have made complete nonsense of the plot. It was as if the film came to life in the very last scene

I couldn't understand why it was all so slow - until it dawned that much of the money was coming from the Venice Tourist Board. 'She must be staying at one of the three top hotels in Venice, said Berkoff - 'The Gritti, the Wotsit and the Danielli' ( I can't remember the middle one) 'I want them all watched'. We then spent an unconscionable amount of time in the suite in the Danielli where Jolie and Depp were holed up. Enough already with the chandeliers and walk-in cupboards, not to mention the view of the Bridge of Sighs from the balcony.

I supposed we've been spoiled by Mister Bond into expecting more action and less prowling about in the ante room while madam slips into something satin, but it all seemed to creak along. Even the scene where Depp is towed behind the motor boat through the canals seemed clumsy and the ambassador's ball scene with Bethany looking on with his walkie-talkie was another drawn-out linger among the rich and showy.

Shame. With a bit more clip early on it could have been a good film. Angelina's Mata Hari-style persona was a bit old-fashioned but reasonably credible. I thought she was walking like that just to show off the frock. One could imagine the director telling her to imagine she was on the catwalk.

Sheila