I’m fascinated by dual-purpose gadgets- things that change from one thing to another. Coincidental with saying farewell to adequate living space and moving to London, I was thrilled to discover the sofa bed. My library-style Kik-step turns into a coffee table when I put a cloth on top. I love that Citroen TV ad where the car turns into an ice-skater – but hang on – do I want my car to turn into an ice-skater? That for me is the fatal flaw with Michael Bay’s ‘Transformers’, really – the machines don’t turn into anything useful. Well, unless you count the entertainment value of watching them fight. I took the very last ticket at the screening I attended; there are obviously huge numbers of people, some of them fans of the original comic-book Transformers, for whom the combat is entertainment enough.

Sam Witwicky (Shia La Boeuf) is a High-school student whose grandfather was an arctic explorer(motto ‘Without Sacrifice no Victory’). Sam’s classroom presentation combines the story of his greatest achievement – he found a giant metal cube when he fell through a hole in the ice – with trying to sell the dead hero’s equipment to his classmates. With minimal interest in the telescope and compass, it’s not surprising there are no takers for the cracked spectacles. When he fails to raise money, Sam’s dad buys him a car anyway, of a suitably beat-up kind. ‘The car chooses the driver’ says the ‘comic’ black salesman, and reduces the price of a battered Correra to meet Sam’s dad’s budget when the car begins to wreak havoc on the forecourt. So far so good, and in further light-hearted scenes the car helps Sam get the attention of beautiful classmate Mikaela (Megan Fox).

When an unidentified source starts hacking into the pentagon defence system – we the audience know it’s a disk-player that transforms into a crab-like metal creature with computer skills - then a bigger scorpion-like sand-burrower almost destroys a desert command station things, the government perceives a threat to national security. The sometimes misjudged jokiness persists as Sam’s car teams up with other human-friendly 'autobots' as their leader invites Sam to call them, disguised as colourful vehicles against an evil gang of autobots who are mainly black saloons. A map engraved on the broken spectacles will reveal the whereabouts of a crucial site enabling the release of an evil autobot boss called Megatron, and their possession becomes the focus of the contest, evil machines pitted against the good.

The plot thickens when John Turturro as head of S7, a secret service even the President doesn’t know about, arrests Sam and wants the spectacles, too. The Minister of Defence(John Voight) appears to be a satirical take on Bush, complete with Texan accent and hawkishly confident pronouncements when he and his department are at their most bemused. The gung-ho nature of the rest works against this, though, and the filmmakers seem intent on passing it off as worthy war-time tactics. The Witwicky family motto about making sacrifices to gain victory is revived more than once, which cynics like myself will see as retroactive rhetoric about Iraq, but any Churchillian messages seem to be related to loss of machinery. Certainly there’s little sacrifice of the human variety on screen, apart from an obviously plastic leg sticking out of a pile of rubbish in one of the final shots which may be one of the many unsuccessful attempts at humour. This a rare lapse in a film where the special effects are generally superb, if hard on the ears, although the opening shots of a giant lead dice hurtling toward an apparently laminated earth are also weak. The money was reserved, and rightly so, for the impressive Transformers.

Meantime, faced with three nights camping at a music festival next weekend, I’m wondering if the gazebo will double as a dinghy. That’s what I’d call a useful transformation.


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almost destroys a desert command station things,

leave out 'things'

Hi

I went to see this tonight. As a fan of the original cartoon, the kid in me really enjoyed the effects, which were so well done. The cynical adult/writer in me thinks that without the effects, the movie itself wouldn't be anything that special. But as a summer blockbuster aimed at young adults it works a treat, even if there usual OTT Americanisms jar sometimes - such as the quip about Iranians not using a certain code matrix because 'Iran is not that clever'.

I didn't engage emotionally with any of the characters, but if you want to just watch giant robots beating the crap out of each other, it's pretty neat.

JB

I didn't see the cartoons, but I agree about the entertainment value and the audience. I saw the TV trailer last night and told my aged husband it would be too loud for him - not that he's planning to go.

It was the Chinese they said weren't all that clever - which made me go 'What???'. Or did they (jokily) insult the Iranians as well? Probably.

My favourite shot was the scene where all the autobos are 'hiding' in various positions outside the house so as not to be seen at windows as the family all rush around inside. When I saw that I could imagine it as a drawing.

Sheila

Yeah, the hiding thing was good, slightly reminiscent of ET.

Nope, they said the Chinese didn't 'use that technology' but the Iranians 'weren't that clever'.


JB

OK. Thanks for putting me right on that - teo birs with almost a single stone after all. I don't suppose it will get a release in Iran but China has a quota for American movies. So what was 'that technology' - the ability to transform objects? How would they know? M16, I suppose.

Sheila

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two birds, I mean

Hi

Lol, no it was the code that the Decepticons were using to infiltrate national defense. You know, when the blonde south african woman is struggling to decode it. Nothing like drumming up a bit of anti-Iranian feeling to take us into the next war, eh?

JB

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I thought Teo Birs was the name of the actress for a minute!

Finally saw it at the cinema and the first half is great! Unfortunately halfway through production the screenplay found its way onto the internet and the producers threw it open to suggestions from the Transformer fan base who insisted it stay true to the original:- I'd say about the point where the stereotypically stupid FBI agent pops up. It then goes totally downhill, the human characters become superfluous and the film turns into little more than a kiddie-flick.
eg. They find a weapon that beats them in the first half, but never use it in the second half (except to destroy the 'phone' - WTF!??
And the 'good' transformers don't want to kill humans - but crashing through whole buildings kills hundreds if not thousands and they don't turn a hair.
And 'bumblebee', for godsake! - even my son said the old names were stupid.

But still worth watching. Maybe go out for a pizza halfway through.

NaomiM

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Oh, and a bit of parental advice, if your kids don't know what 'mastibation' means, it's probably best to explain it before seeing the film, rather than try to find the right words in a packed cinema.
How is it boys remember the 'W' word from sex-ed and not the 'M' one?



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One last thing - anyone else's Orange Wednesday not work today?