Anisoara,

Yet another good tip i am going to take away from this thread. Some things seem so obvious, but i would never have thought of them on my own!

I also overuse 'managed to' and 'realized'.

Sammy

http://www.deannacarlyle.com/articles/verb.html

I came across this link some time back, I keep forgetting to use it myself, but I think it's got some good ideas.

alexandra

Thanks for that excellent link, Alexandra.

I do sympathise with the problem, Sammy. Even reading through the much read and edited, preveiew copy of my first novel (Blood and Water, published MNW September), I immediately lighted on a sentence with a repeated word in it,which I wanted to change. My friend Verity who did a first edit before I sent it in to MNW, was incredibly good about picking up that kind of thing, to the point of telling me I had twice had someone "tousle" someone else's hair. And when I searched it, she was quite right!

If I feel I'm using too many cliched descriptions like laughed or smiled, I sit and watch the character in my head, smiling or laughing, and visualise more detail. Like "his eyes creased up as he shook with laughter". I also try to hear the laughter and describe more specifically - chortled, hooted, snorted, or other onomatopaeic verbs. Or leave out entirely and have the other character respond to it: "Don't laugh, it's not funny for me."

I use the thesaurus a lot too - which sometimes produces a better word, or thought, which then causes me to rewrite the sentence.

I'm also finding writing a second novelthat phrases from the first are reoccuring and have to keep an eye on that....

Lucy

Yes, Lucy,
I'm finding that with my second novel, although for me it's not too much of a problem as my first isn't being published

I think the key is finding an alternative for a common word, so that the sentence still sounds natural and contemporary.

Thanks for your suggestions.

Sammy

Reading through the first draft of Oceans I realised that everything was happening 'suddenly'. There aren't that many ways to say it that have the same urgency. 'All at once', sounds a bit archaic to me. 'Abruptly' doesn't really mean the same thing. 'Out of the blue' is wordy and old fashioned. I've used a terse '..then...' but that can sound a bit self conscious. Any suggestions would be gratefully received.

Hilary

No easy suggestions, because I suffer from 'suddenly' too. I think 'then' is more invisible, but doesn't carry the urgency you want to convey. Sometimes you can get it across in other people's reaction the event, or a verb - 'she flung the door open', 'she leapt to her feet' or a sound effect 'she opened the door with a bang' but they're never direct equivalents.

Emma

Thanks Emma, I'm glad it's not just me.

Just reading "Lord of the Flies" for the first time. Perhaps it is more obvious because it isn't a popular term any more, but there are lots of instances of "presently"

Colin M

I have chronically over used the word "just" in the past. I'm having a real problem at the moment with finding different descriptions for crying. My main character in one of the stories I'm working on has been emotionally overwrought for the past two chapters and I'm finding it so difficult to express this in new and fresh ways. urgh! it's slowing the writing right down

Niniel, it's no help to you but I was amused by Russell Crowe's DVD commentary on the very moving scene in Gladiator where he cries over his murdered wife and son. He apparently asked the director if he wanted 'the full snot', and that's what he gave us.

Hilary

Apparently the child star Margaret O'Brien, scripted to cry, asked the director if he wanted shiny-eyes, tears-in-eyes, tears half-way down cheeks, or all the way down cheeks.

Emma