I need help from anyone, friend or foe, genius or lost cause. It’s about writing in the passive tense.

So, this is passive:

“As Dexter was walking…”

And the following example sorts that out:

“As Dexter walked…”

I’m hoping that’s right, else I’m stuffed before I’ve even began! So what about:

“As Dexter was walking, he glared at the road ahead.”:

should this become:

“As Dexter walked, he glared at the road ahead”

Is that correct?

Okay, so what about:

“As Dexter walked, he covered his eyes from the sun glaring off the wet pavement”

i.e is the “…glaring off the wet pavement” okay? That is not passive, is it? If so, why?

Is it better to just write:

“As Dexter walked, he covered his eyes from the sun as it glared off the wet pavement”

To be honest, I think 2nd version reads better so I’m assuming that is the correct version. This shows up my lack of knowledge and experience, but can anyone confirm I’m thinking along the right lines here?

So, what about starting a sentence like this:

“Falling, Dexter reached out for the broken branch…”

or

“Leaving, Dexter closed the door behind him.”

Are they okay, or too passive (i.e. does the “leaving” jar with the “closed”?) Should it be “Dexter left, closing the door behind him” or “Dexter left and closed the door behind him”, or are they both okay?

And what about writing in the first person:

“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, bodies hanging from the spikes, blood dripping to the floor in puddles”

Should it be “I couldn’t believe what I saw. Bodies hung from spikes, their blood dripped to the floor in puddles”

Please note, I am only talking about the passive thing here, not either how rubbish those sentences are or how else they could be changed. I just made them up now so they don’t really mean anything!

Thanks for any help you can give and just be honest, if I am completely missing something and making a fool out of myself, let me know, please!!!

Many thanks,


DS

I wish I knew, Davy. I'm sat here trying to write the last chapter of my Master's thesis, and the damned word processor keeps blinking and saying "passive tense: consider revision". Grrrr......

Sorry, that's no help whatsoever. :-)

Davy, I think some terms have got in a muddle here. There are people on WW much better at this stuff than me, but I'll have a go.

The passive mood is when the subject of the sentence (I, you, the dog) has something done to them, rather than doing it.

The dog bites the man is active
The dog is bitten by the man is passive - the dog is still what the verb 'bite' is about, but he's not doing the biting

The confusion is that in past tenses, 'was' crops up as part of a passive mood construction, but also a part of an active mood continuous past tense:

The sailor walked down the road and went into the pub
The sailor was walking down the road when it began to rain

are both active mood, and perfectly good to use, depending on the rhythm and style of your sentence, and what feel you're trying to create. I'd agree that 'was walking' is less urgent and in-your-face, but none the worse for that, just different.

The dog was biting the man is also active

but The dog was bitten by the man is passive - see the original present-tense dog-scenarios, above.

There's a further confusion, not to do with 'was' but to do with -ing forms of verbs, which I think is where your 'glaring' examples come in. Verbs ending in -ing are usually part of continuous verbs in any tense:

I am walking down the road when it begins to rain
I was walking down the road when it began to rain
I had been walking down the road for a week before it finally began to rain
I will be walking down the road tomorrow when the parade is due to go by
I will have been walking down the road for a week by the time my parents can phone me with my A Level results

But there's also a form which is when a verb's root is used with an -ing ending to make an adjective (I think there's a proper grammatical term, but I can't remember it). A good way to check if this is what's going on is to swap in a non -ing adjective:

the glaring sun shines on the road
the bright sun shines on the road
the vomiting elephant does not need a vet
the small elephant does not need a vet
so:

the biting dog shoots the man is active ('biting' describes the dog, the dog's the subject, with 'shoots' as an active verb)
the biting dog is shot by the man is passive (dog's still the subject, but 'is shot' is a passive verb - the dog isn't doing the shooting)

As far as saying things should be active, like most rules, it's a good place to start, and a bad thing to hang on to. Certainly, something passive like 'She was being hit by a Yeti' is weaker than the active version: 'The yeti was hitting her'.

But it can be useful, used sparingly, if you don't want to clutter things up with particular people in there: The phone call came, and suddenly everyone was busy. Bags were packed, radiators drained, keys checked, newspapers cancelled. Then we slammed the door of the house behind us...

Hope that helps. And do ignore computers. They're illiterate.

Emma

<Added>

A last -ing thing.

You can also make a sort-of noun out of a verb-root plus -ing, usually rather an abstract sort of a noun. 'The Shining' is an example. I think that's called a gerund, but don't quote me. Don't you just love English grammar?

Sailing is an activity that benefits all ages

Loving was the last thing on her mind

And do ignore computers. They're illiterate.

And very good at munching 500 words yo've just spent the last two hours poring over. Time to go outside and find a wall to punch.

<Added>

Speaking of illiterate, that's "you've", of course.

And yes, I'm calming down again now. Although I would have to be going some to write another 500 words quite that bad. Maybe it was a blessing.

Oh, how maddening.

Emma

The other reason for avoiding passive constructions - and I think it's the reason bossy software objects - is that it makes for more complicated constructions.

The minutes were signed by members who had been convened by the memo that had been sent round
is more complicated than
A memo convened the members and they signed the minutes

That of course is why the David Brents in your friendly local megacorporation and council absolutely love it: it makes them feel grown up, or I would say, pompous.

Passive also gives the impression that no actual person had responsibility for what happened, which is even more insidious:

The road was flooded because the hydrants had been turned on
Instead of The contractor turned on the hydrant and flooded the road

which is the other reason that Megacorp plc and Weasle City Council love it.

Emma

Thanks you two, I was afraid this might be one of those threads that disappears without a trace!!

Iain – Sorry mate, I didn’t realise it was a sore subject. I’ve been thinking about it all weekend (shows you what a fun life I lead!!!) Good luck with your thesis, and mind the walls, sometimes they hit back…

Emma – Thanks so much for your comments! And sorry for being confusing, I think calling it "passive tense" was what started it! I’m probably using all the wrong terms to be honest, I never did English A Level! I love your made up sentences by the way, especially the wife bashing Yeti

I’m still confused, but I confused myself first and foremost, nothing to do with your comments which were just what I was looking for, thanks!

I think I see what you mean. So “He was walking…” isn’t necessarily passive? I thought it was and “He walked…” is active. Shows you how much I know!

Is what we’re saying here that there are no set rules, only it depends on what the subject of the sentence is doing or having done to them, and which way around we set it out? Is it down to the author’s discretion? Because I was thinking, in terms of my technique, that this is something I suffer from as badly as I suffer from showing not telling. Would you say it’s not as important?

So, to clarify, is “The Yeti hit her…” just plain bad English then, or is that acceptable, and active?

Thanks once again,

Davy

Getting there...

'She hit the Yeti' is active, and good English. 'She was hit by the Yeti' is passive, which is perfectly good English in the technical sense, but is arguably less exciting in the creative sense!

Emma

This is a huge generalisation but active is your character doing something and passive is them having something done to them - which is considered less exciting in terms of fiction or so they say...

She was beaten up by Skunk and White - passive.

Skunk and White beat her up - active

I think!

Stephen King is very good on active and passive in On Writing. The book is a good read about writing anyway.

Sarah

<Added>

Can I enter in the lost cause category?

Despite the rage inspired by computers, I have found that the best way to learn about passive and active sentences is to tick the grammatical box in Word asking to check your documents for passive sentences. It's frustrating, but after a year of doing this, I think I understand it completely now.

Passive does come across in 'doing' phrases, such as 'they were going to' and 'had been'. Also, as stated above, is any object or event is going to be responsible for a clause in a sentence, it must come first. I.e. you can't have 'They all ran away as Douglas Merrifawn fired the laser gun'. Better as 'As Douglas Merrifawn fired the laser gun, they all ran away.'

It's a pickle to work out for yourself, that's why I'm recommeding word/tools/options/spelling and grammar/settings (under writing style) and tick the box for passive sentences.

JB

JB, if Word's telling you anything with 'has been' or 'were going' in it is grammatically passive, Word is wrong:

'They had been beaten up' is passive

'They had been to the cinema' is active

'They were going to be eaten by a monster' is passive

'They were going to eat a monster' is active

And don't let an ignorant bunch of geeks in Seattle tell you otherwise.

you can't have 'They all ran away as Douglas Merrifawn fired the laser gun'. Better as 'As Douglas Merrifawn fired the laser gun, they all ran away.'

Yes, much better, but because of which event comes first, and because you want this to be a direct, punchy sentence. Both sentences have two active verbs, and I'd never say you 'can't' have the first, just that in this context, it doesn't do the job as well.

Emma

The way I see it – and apologies because I'm not very good at explaining these things:

Active is when the verb relates to the subject of the sentence.

He closed the gate.

Passive is when the object becomes the subject (I think)

The gate was closed by him.

But if you say The gate was closed when he arrived, that’s not passive, but I'm not sure what it is…

If I can borrow one of Emma’s examples:

'She hit the Yeti' is active, and good English. 'She was hit by the Yeti' is passive
They’re both correct, but they’re not saying the same thing in different ways. The passive version of She hit the Yeti should really be The Yeti was hit by her… and this, I think is the kind of passive writing we should be trying to avoid.

Clear as ditchwater?

Dee

Dee, you're quite right and put it very clearly.

I put it the way I did so as to keep the subject of the sentence the same and the sense therefore opposite, but your way round keeps the sense of the sentence the same, so that, yes, the subject becomes the object, and vice versa.

I think 'the gate was closed when he arrived' is something else entirely, because 'was closed' is operating more like an adjective. But supper's burning, so I can't look it up.

Transitive and instransitive verbs, anyone, while we're at it? And direct and indirect objects?

Nah, me neither.

Emma

Que? That’s the sort of stuff I never got my head round in English Language classes at school and drove my teacher to say once (possibly more than once, actually!) ‘Oh dear, what a shame EL is compulsory…’

The gate was closed when he arrived:
I chucked that in to illustrate the difference between it and the previous example.

Incidentally, what’s a gerund? Is it when you start a sentence with –ing? Such as Sighing, she turned away? This, to my mind, can lead to some very clumsy writing: Walking down the road, he entered the pub. He can’t be doing both at the same time!

Dee

In sighing is a sign of boredom 'sighing' is a gerund. The other name, which fits better, is a 'verbal noun', which makes it all much clearer.

In sighing, he entered the pub 'sighing' isn't a gerund. Fowler calls it an initial participle, i.e. a participle or bit-of-a-verb, which kicks off a sentence. 'sighing' is something the subject 'he' is doing, so it's a verb, but not the main verb of the sentence, which is 'entered'. You could perfectly well re-write it as 'he entered the pub sighing' which makes what's going on clearer (but does have a different feel).

And of course initial participles give you a lovely chance to get things wrong: the classic is 'bubbling briskly, the witch threw the herbs into the cauldron.'

Emma