I read this (very funnily titled) article about writing about sex and found myself agreeing with the author that the key to pulling off ‘the sex scene’ is to try and describe the state of mind rather than the physical act. Further, I think it has to be that the key to a successful sex scene is showing the conflation of both the mind and body, how the one effects the other i.e. intimacy. As then, I think, you have a chance of creating an affecting reader/character relationship which few other scenes - death, I guess, would be another (incidentally, all this Christmas cheer’s been getting me down so I’ve been reading The Death of Ivan Illych and it is wonderfully sad and affecting) - could allow, whereas if you stick to describing the mechanics I think you risk losing the reader as they start picturing which bit’s going where or, worse, to unintended hilarity. Perhaps I’m wrong. What do you think? Anyway, I seem to have gone for this intimate approach. I’ll put up an extract. Let me know if you laugh. I won’t mind - just tell me at which bit. In the spirit of Christmas, if you want to comment on the piece, that’d be grand, though please be aware that, though I copy all the comments, I tend to take off pieces after about a month.

Link to article attached.

http://www.business-standard.com/common/storypage.php?storyflag=y&leftnm=lmnu5&leftindx=5&lselect=2&chklogin=N&autono=207591

Sam

Very funny, personally I tried writing about the specifics and it was terrible. The only way was to go back to how the characters felt and hopefully inject a little humour and human frailty.The human element is what makes it sexy, the details just makes me wonder if he left his socks on or not!
Kat

Oh boy, the great Slough of Despond in which we all wallow, trying to write about sex in a way that doesn't sound either coy or crude or downright embarassing.

For myself the answer lies in the context. Is this love making, or is this a knee-trembler? I write the sex accordingly, trying to retain some of the vulnerability all but the totally self-absorbed feel at such moments.

Best

John

I think the reason writing sex is so difficult is that it presents all the ordinary writing challenges, but makes failure even more obvious. Plus there's the built-in difficulty that most sex looks ludicrous when seen from outside, which is what you're asking your reader to do. The compensation is that if you get the hang of it, you've learned an awful lot about writing in general.

Anyone who's finding it hard (oh help, it's impossible even to talk about the wretched business without getting into trouble!) could track down a copy of The Joy of Writing Sex by Elizabeth Benedict. It's very good, and not a bad manual for writing in general either.

Off the top of my head I'd say:

You have to earn your sex scene; it must be as unavoidable as anything else in the novel. The scene must develop plot, character and theme as much as any other scene. Context is all, as John says; where do the characters start, emotionally speaking, and where do they end up? . Every action must be in character, the point of view and voice must be consistent; even if they change, the reader must know where she/he is. Once you've decided this, and the point above this one, then it should become obvious what to write and how to write it. Remember you don't have to describe the whole damn episode. If the crucial point is when... whatever, then just do that. Don't forget to bring the condoms, or if they do, why? (Elizabeth Benedict is very good on this issue!) Immediacy is crucial, because all sex looks ridiculous seen from outside, so you must get your reader inside the moment: now more than ever you should power up your show-don't-tell monitor. But that doesn't necessarily mean physical specifics (though it might, if one party is very detached. And if they are, why?). The 'show' can be entirely about what's going on in one or other head. The reader's own experience of sex is far more alive to them than a torrent of your own words explaining the gymnastics, so what you're trying to do is to give the reader just enough of who does what for the reader to be able to colour it in for themselves.

Emma

This is it in a nut shell!

so what you're trying to do is to give the reader just enough of who does what for the reader to be able to colour it in for themselves.

Spot on Emma

Best

John