Was it there in the version I read, Alan?
No, Catkin. I had a major edit shortly after your read-through. Obscurity was banished, cliche was invited in.
but I do find it mannered beyond belief
Thanks for your opinion, Tatterdemalion. Exactly why I raised the thread.
And because
some find it unacceptable, especially right at the start, it's going.
I know if I saw a cliche in an opening para, I would be seriously unimpressed.
I need to sift through the list of cliches very carefully because there's every chance I'll find another - mild and used innocently maybe, but nevertheless a no-no.
I just want to read a book and relax into another world
Yes, MC, It's easy to overlook this when we're being critical about our own work, and I suspect a lot of writers* wouldn't bat an eyelid at using a tired cliche, and most readers wouldn't care.
* But they're self-pubbed on Amazon, raking in the dozens.