I've just written a short story with a 15 year old female first person narrator. I tried to make it very voicey. I've now received some feedback from a trusted source saying that it has some cliches in it. I've taken a look and yes, it definitely does.

My question is...

When writing in voicey first person, should one use the words that character, if real, would use, which would often include cliches because so many of us use them verbally all the time, or use words which are fresh and new and not cliches, but with the impression of being what that person, if real, would say?

In other words, with dialogue we don't make it realistic, because that would be dull. We make it appear realistic but actually be tighter, more interesting, less waffley. Should we do the same with a first person narrator?

I think I know the answer, really, but would welcome thoughts and discussion of this to get more of an understanding.

Deb

Know exactly what you mean Deb, but I'd suppose if the story is to hold the reader's interest much of it has to be fresh and interesting, otherwise it's like listening to a boring conversation by someone with nothing orginal to say. (Which is NOT of course, to imply that's what you've written!)

I agree, Sandra. I mean, I knew that was the answer. Thanks.

I think that in dialogue there will be cliches, especially for a teenager's voice. However, it depends on what those cliches are.

<Added>

Duh. You weren't discussing dialogue!

I'd really love some more thoughts on this. Yes, I do know the answer, but could do with some insightful musings if anyone has any....?

I'm asking mainly because I'm helping someone edit her piece and this is something under debate.

Deb

Buried in the country on a mifi connection, writing, but I'm thinking about this and will try to come up with some ideas for tomorrow or so...

Oh, thanks Emma. Always good to hear your thoughts, but please don't spend too much time away from your writing if you're on a retreat. I have now got more answers in Private Members (which is interesting... do some people only look there, I wonder?).

In other words, with dialogue we don't make it realistic, because that would be dull. We make it appear realistic but actually be tighter, more interesting, less waffley. Should we do the same with a first person narrator?

In my opinion, yes. If the narrator would naturally use cliches, then I think you probably do need to use some cliches ... but it needn't be stuffed with them. Couldn't you use them as a sort of flavouring - the Bay Leaf Method of cliche management?

I read a short story that had, in the character's voice, the phrase "quiet as a mouse" at the beginning. I thought it was a mistake to use it - at least, a mistake right at the beginning of a story - as it's such a stonking great cliche. So I think there can also be cliches and cliches. Some are worse than others.

Sorry that's not exactly insightful, Deb, but at least it's a musing.

In a rush, but that musing is great, Catkin - many thanks!!! X

I agree with Catkin: in a funny way it's a bit like accents - you don't need to use many clichés, to give the sense that the character thinks in them.

The other thing you can do, I think, is to take those clichés and try to find something fresh in them. That usually means rejigging it so the image buried in the metaphor comes up fresh, but it still feels natural, because the image is within your teen's natural range, as it were.

Terribly creaky example, because obviously I don't know the context, but

"She was quiet as a mouse" could become "She was mouse-quite" or "She sat like a mouse in her corner - quiet, beady-eyed, hearing and smelling everything"

Every now and again - not too often - you can play "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em", as I think of it - play up to the fact that it's a cliché:

He was quiet as a mouse, my mum would say, which is silly because how does she know how quiet mice are? She wouldn't let a mouse within fifty yards of the house - she'd be out there with a flamethrower.