She wanted to ease her husband, Geoff's, burden

She wanted to ease her husband's, Geoff's burden.

She liked her sister, Julie's, bag

She liked her sister's, Julie's, bag


Which is it?

I know i could write 'she wanted to ease the burden of her husband, Geoff', but there must be a rule for the above!!

It's come up a lot for me lately, and i'm sick of switching the sentence around, just cos i don't know the rule.

Please?!

It's tricky, isn't it, but I have to say that to my eye/ear it's awkward whichever way you do it - though if you held a gun to my head I'd prefer the first version, which sounds more like you'd say it.

I do much prefer
'she wanted to ease the burden of her husband, Geoff',

I know in womag stories you're always tight for words, but could you get the fact that her husband is called Geoff in some other way?

Yes, i could, but you know me, i (still) like my rules and this is bugging me.

I guess i'll just have to tell myself, that the rule is, this is one of those things that sounds fine when spoken but looks wrong on the written page.

Yes, Emma. Just start the next sentence with a Geoff, to get it in quick. e.g. "Geoff had been working such long hours recently". I don't like all those apostrphes squeezed up together. If I had to I'd be inclined to say "She liked her sister Julie's bag." "She wanted to ease her husband Geoff's burden."

<Added>

crossed with you, Sam!

She wanted to ease her husband Geoff's burden."

Ah ha - maybe that's it, Jem - losing the comma and using the word husband like an adjective. That does sound the best, i think.

<Added>

In the end, though,i have restructured the sentence, grrr...

her husband Geoff's burden

Yes, that's much smoother. The commas are conventional, but not in the least crucial to the meaning.

Mind you, I know it's easier in a novel, but I'm just allergic to anything which doesn't sound like something you'd say. So unless I've got a very strong, storyteller/narrator's voice which says things like that, I'd always do somethign like

She wanted to ease Geoff's burden. Wasn't that what wives are supposed to do?

or

It was great having a sister who loved handbags. It meant she always knew what to give Julie for her birthday

etc. etc.

Yes, I'm the same, Emma - the way I put it is a bit womaggy and goes against the grain with me too, but sometimes when you have the word constraint, needs must.

Yes, this story is only 750 words long, Emma, and i have a twist to explain plus a potential murder

Every bloomin' punctuation mark counts!

However, WW did recently reject a story, saying it was 'stilted' (ouch!) so it is something to be aware of.

The first one, definitely. And I think they work much better without the commas:

She like her sister Julie's Bag.

She wanted to ease her husband Geoff's burden.