Hi

I have a character who is drunk at the start of my novel. It's important he's really drunk and it's important he gets to talk.

I need to get this across in his speech, but any changes I make to reflect slight speech issues look odd. I've put a line of tell in when the MC wonders if the air has sobered him up, but the stumbles, slurs, etc. all look a bit contrived on paper.

How would you write a drunken rambling speech? Please also note that this is page 2 of the wip, so the reader hasn't got to know the character yet and I don't want it to be so accurate it is off-putting. I've put a couple of Sh instead of S and shown him clicking his fingers to try to think. Do I need much more?

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By 'rambling speech' I don't mean that lengthy. It's just a para - but I know that a drunken person can manage this and more as they do (well the ones I know) tend to go on a bit after a bevy

I would probably have 'wass' for 'was' and a bit of repetition, also maybe include how it was said, hinting at talking too loudly or something like that...

Is your character talking to someone or talking in his head?
Because from my experience, if you are talking in your head when drunk you do not slur. You may ramble on all over the place, but to you your actual words make sense.

If he is talking to someone else, could you not look at non-verbal communication as well as what he is saying?
The way he stands, or sways, the way he addresses himself to the listener, the way he looks (ruffled hair, glazed eyes,etc).

I agree with using non-verbal cues - speaking too loud, laughing inappropriately, swaying/stumbling, trying to put something like a glass down and misjudging it somehow (dropping it, or slamming it on a table). Does the reader have access to this characters thoughts and feelings - if so you could show he feels (sick, dizzy, or happy and carefree etc.)?

With the actual speech I'd probably go light rather than heavy with altering words to reflect the drunkenness and instead make his speech convoluted or confused - maybe he could forget the point he's trying to make by the time he reaches it, or something like that?

Thank you all. He is the protagonist in a first-person novel (talking to the MC, so we are not in his head).

I've already shown him drunk - jerking as he slipped down a wall, etc. and then told the reader his speech sounded blurred (yes, I like that word!).

The MC is fearful as she hears his voice rise, we see him click his fingers to try to remember someone's name, etc. From feedback in a recent critique, it said his speech needed to indicate the drunkenness. So it's just the one para of speech I'm struggling with.

I'll have a look at the confused speech, without losing the point of what he's saying. It's difficult with this being page 2, as I'd have a bit more freedom with the characters later on...

Actually, in the middle of responding to your really helpful feedback I just had a lightbulb moment. Thank you. Got it. Wrong character name. Thank you



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Can I point out, that the confused final para does not show I have been drinking

He'd probably repeat himself a lot if he was drunk, wouldn't he?