It's time for some displacement activity from the WIP and I thought I would put a bit more effort in trying to come up for a pseudonym under which to publish (if I can) my book.

I've been fantasising having a new name for most of my life (don't like my first name, can't pronounce my surname properly due a minor speech defect) but haven't managed to come up with anything.

I've read that you should give your pseudosurname the same inital as a big seller in your genre so that punters will see you on the bookshelves, but that's as much advice as I've come across.

I'm writing a page-turny crime/mystery - not gruesome enough for a thriller, not cosy enough for a cosy, not a police procedural (but I don't want the discussion to be too me-specific as I'm sure this must be a general issue, just mentioning these things in case they're relevant).

Any views? Wondering, among other things, about whether to go with a genderless name or initials or whether people don't care about that any more.

Was telling a friend about this problem today and she said that a friend of hers tried out various possible names for her baby by saying them out loud in different contexts, e.g. "and here's Xenophon Smith coming on to the straight, he's heading towards the finish line" in a suitable sports commentator voice, or all foreign correspondenty with "this is Xenophon Smith, Damascus, for the BBC". Quite like that idea but can't quite think of the authorly equivalent.

Good evening and welcome to Booker-Prize winner, Gubnat Nic Caoileain.

I love the names they use for packaged authors - like the Dinosaur Cove books are published under the name "Rex Stone" and the Lucky Stars books are published under "Phoebe Bright".

If you're going to pick a fake name it might as well be a good 'un I guess!

And yes, I've heard that about the initials. I guess if you write cosy murder mysteries being shelved next to Christie doesn't hurt, for eg.

Most people seem to go for something with a connection to them - like their maiden name, or their mother's surname, or a middle name. I suppose it makes it feel more "theirs" and less like people are talking about someone else entirely.

Just rolls off the tongue, that one...

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Oh! Crossed with Flora there, sorry, Gaius!

Hi Flora - I hadn't come across that packaged authors thing - how weird! I don't fancy being Leticia Lead_Pipe.

"And now, let's meet our next contestant on Celebrity Love Island, esteemed author, nominated for the Bad Sex award in four consecutive years, Jonathan St-John McGonagall."

I would pick something near to the middle of the alphabet. I speak as a former bookseller - if you're Aagard it's not too bad but if you're Zeelander you're likely to get shoved down in a corner near the floor where people will only see you if they're looking for you. Choose an eye-height letter.

Choose an eye-height letter.

Do children's authors have names further along the alphabet so?

If I ever turn to horror, I'm definitely keeping my real surname (Kirk)

What genre do you write? Some names seem to fit certain genres better than others, I think. And a couple of initials always seem to carry a certain weight - I'd steer clear of E.L. for a while, though...

I'm definitely keeping my real surname

If you called yourself Donna, you could write historical fiction set in World War II.

Dr Seuss coined a few good ones - young Yolanda Yorgensen, I am sure, grew up into a fine author.

"And here with us tonight, Katerina Kristobel Kirk - criminologist, ventriloquist, pencillist (actually, she uses a word-processor, but that interrupted the rhythm."

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Not forgetting Nixie Knox and her stories about axing an extra fox.

"So, have you read The Dunce Swan's Song by Benson Johnson?"

I'd steer clear of E.L. for a while, though...

made me laugh, as those ARE my initials...

John LeCarré picked his surname because it's an unmistakeable shape on a book cover. His real name - which he genuinely couldn't use for professional reasons, what with being a spy working under diplomatic cover 'n all - is David Cornwell.

His son Nick didn't want to use LeCarré because it's his father's pseudonym - nothing to do with him - but didn't want to be Nicholas Cornwell either, because he'd be shelved between Bernard and Patricia... Most understandable. Hence Nick Harkaway.

"And winner of the Jelly Baby prize for literature is Kelly Kirk Kennedy with her children's thriller set in Scunthorpe, 'Killing Chris Kindly'."