Hi

Further to another post on 'second novel syndrome', where writing techniques are put into practise at the detriment of the writing flow and rhythm, I've subsequently received useful feedback of sorts... someone has finally put their finger on what is wrong with my initial chapters (which other people had hinted at but not put into workable comments).

They don't flow. It's almost like reading a report (I've been doing a lot of those at work recently!), where you go from point-to-point with no transition between. It doesn't really feel like the reader is moving forward with the story, rather than being jerked forward.

I've previously posted these chapters on WW and implemented the feedback but the flow wasn't something mentioned. I've also subsequently revised and improved them.

However, I'm going to rewrite the initial chapters (and probably the rest) - but is there something I can do or read to improve the flow of my writing before I start again?

Thanks

Sharley

Gosh, tough one.

I can only say I hardly ever think about technique when I'm writing, only when I'm editing.

For me the first draft is about getting the feel, the pacing, the "flow" if you like, right. I write quickly, and it feels very much like reading a novel. I'm caught up with the characters and their predicament and I don't think too much about the nuts and bolts.

I don't tend to start looking at whys and wherefores until I'm at the editing/redrafting stage.

I don't know how this would work with re-writing, as oppose to first draft stuff, but could you just rewrite as quickly as possible, trying not to worry about technique and concentrating on the heart of the story?

It is about you jumping from point to point in time, rather than taking the reader with you? Like a jump-cut from the MC cleaning their teeth at home to them walking into the office, without any sense of the journey that's happened in between?

Of course you can do it like that, but as you say, it's abrupt. Staying in movie terms, what about the scuttle down the front steps, the leap onto the tube with his coat-sleeve catching as the doors close, the nod to the office security guard, etc.? Of course you don't want all of it, but a) it's a good opportunity to show the character and their current emotional state and b) it means that as readers/viewers we feel the experience - through the MC - of getting to the office...

I think this is where there's an important role for a good kind of economical, vividly-written kind of telling: (well, not very good in this one, because it's rubbish, but it makes the point):

St Valentine's Day was hard, but by Easter, she was able to enjoy the long pale-gold evenings, and the heat of the summer sun seemed to melt the last pain out of her bones. She walked into a new, clean year in a new (well, re-decorated) clean staffroom, and saw him standing by the pigeonholes, talking animatedly to the head of Biology.

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My other thought is that it's about your sentences not leading properly from one onto the next. Talking of reports, you could think about how you develop a discussion within a paragraph, establishing something, taking that and using it to start of the next sentence, which says something more, then that more is the start of the following one. the core of each sentence is like a railway carriage, which has to be hitched to the next one.

[quote] My other thought is that it's about your sentences not leading properly from one onto the next. [quote]

Thank you! I'm off to look at other writers and see how they do this and then examine my writing.

Another issue I have is that due to work (and the need for plain English), I now write with very short sentences. I've been expanding them in my writing, but obviously not enough!

Flora - I used to write quickly and then slowed down. I'll try writing quickly for the rewrites and then edit furiously!

Sharley

Well I took a look at some of your chapters and one thing oyu could add, that may help the flow, is more scene setting description. While the dialogue between the characters, and thoughts and feelings expressed by the mc, are good, the description of the setting where the action is taking place is very perfunctory. I can viaualise the characters and their actions, but not always how they are interacting with their surroundings.


- NaomiM

Yes, I do think it's very difficult if you do a lot of writing in one register, to shed it when you're trying to do a very different kind.

These two posts from my blog about long sentences might help:

http://emmadarwin.typepad.com/thisitchofwriting/2008/09/in-praise-of-the-long-sentence.html

and this one, about building long sentences.

http://emmadarwin.typepad.com/thisitchofwriting/2009/09/the-right-words-in-the-right-order.html

And I haven't read it yet, but only because I know that once I've started I won't stop, but I've just bought a book by the very distinguished critic Stanley Fish, called How to Write A Sentence, and how to read one, which is based on the idea which I wholly agree with, that the sentence is the basic block of writing-thinking.

Despite the title, I'd suggest it's more how-to-read than how-to-write book. And it's still in hardback, so you might want to talk your library into getting it, rather than shelling out your own hard-earned.


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Crossed with Naomi - I think that there's a very good point there, which is that although in some ways setting can seem like scene-setting - back-cloth - its real function is as part of the whole character-in-action thing.

So it can be used both to enlarge our general sense of the whole event - picturing what's going on - but also as a way of linking everything together.

For example, if someone leans forward in their chair to make a point, having them then sink back into the cushions when the other guy agrees won, will bring into play our own body-sense of the emotional movement of the scene. If a character wants time to think what to say next, and they pick up an ornament to look at it, what that ornament is and how it feels (heavy? fragile? awkward? like its owner or intriguingly opposite?) will actually enhance our sense of the emotional content of the moment.

Thanks Naomi

I really appreciate you taking the time to look at what could be wrong. That's really helpful.

Someone did once mention she couldn't place the characters in a scene - but I just added a bit of information to show they were in the car (and also rewrote in first-person POV, as it felt more appropriate for this type of book).

However, I'll review the scene-setting too when rewriting the initial chapters.

Best wishes

Sharley

but I just added a bit of information to show they were in the car

Yes, I noticed you were in the habit of doing that - mentioning a bed, a room, stairs - but a lot of authors add filler detail to help the reader visualise the setting (sense of place) and it adds to the mood of the scene: eg, bright or sombre colours, comfortable old lived in house of grandparents, or fresh modern rooms in a newly wed couple's new home. And it does help the flow as well as bulking up the word count, so the reader has time to ponder the important points being conveyed via the dialogue.

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Sometimes such detail is confused with exposition, and unfortunately pruned with the backstory and info dumps.

Hi Naomi

That's really useful information.

Thank you