Hi all

A writer friend of mine has given me feedback on my WIP (a novel) to the effect that there's a muted or dampened quality to much of the prose, and that from time to time she wanted 'more crazy drama'. I am not a crazy drama kind of person - but I take her point about needing to create more tension, excitement, impact at certain points in the novel; I can kind of see it myself, and she's read loads of my stuff and is a very perceptive reader.

So... on a sentence/paragraph level, I'm thinking stonger verbs, shorter sentences – but beyond that I'm not sure how best to go about this. Does anyone have any suggestions? Or tips for anything I could read to study how other writers create drama?

Thanks!
Jane

I'd have to see your writing style to be able to comment properly. It may be that you're simply leaving out the thoughts and feelings of your pov character(s). Most readers empathise with the pov character, but if they don't know what they're feeling then they can't empathise so the writing feels flat.
Alternatively, some writers start with a skeleton of prose and build on that with each draft, so maybe you're only up to the muscle layer and need to flesh it out more.


- NaomiM

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'crazy drama' sounds like a subjective thing; maybe this simply isn't the sort of novel/genre your reader prefers.

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Just to add, see if you need to cull the 'was's, and check that each scene is moving the plot forward and not simply being used to introduce characters and for world-building.

Assuming that what actually happens is dramatic enough - it's not just a series of little trips to the shops - then I wonder if what your friend is commenting on is what I'd think of as a lack of intensity in the writing.

The ultimate intense writing is good poetry, where every line is like a tardis of sound and meanings. And it's perfectly possible to make your prose more like that, without changing plot or characters - although you may find that the fiercer search for the vivid, immediate, leaps-off-the-page word means a fiercer search to understand exactly what you're trying to say... which might change things a bit.

Yes to the stronger verbs. Not necessarily yes to the short sentences, since a well-constructed long sentence can drive forward much more strongly than the stop-start-stop-start jerkiness of a series of short ones. I wonder if it's also a matter of making your characters' physical experience more vivid, both in their space, and in their own bodies: of making sure you're really showing/evoking, not slipping into telling/signalling what they're going through:

This might help: http://emmadarwin.typepad.com/thisitchofwriting/showing-and-telling-the-basics.html

and as that piece touches on and links to, it might be a case of trying to exploiting the full range of psychic distance. Even a reasonably close psychic distance can make the story monotonous.

These two posts are related to this, and might also be helpful:

one about how to ramp up the romance in a boy-girl plot where the writer's been avoiding it:

http://emmadarwin.typepad.com/thisitchofwriting/2011/03/he-looked-up.html

and one whose work is "too understated and gentle":

http://emmadarwin.typepad.com/thisitchofwriting/2010/09/jerusha-cowless-agony-aunt-understated-and-gentle-just-is-my-voice.html

Emma

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oops

Even a reasonably close psychic distance can make the story monotonous, if it doesn't vary.

Thanks Naomi and Emma.
Dramatic things are happening, so I do think it's a question of the intensity of the prose – it's not structural, it's not to do with the characters, or at least that's my feeling. I love the idea of going to poetry for inspiration. Had been thinking along the lines of thrillers, but that's perhaps a different kind of intensity. And Emma, your suggestions about varying psychic distance and and making physical experience more vivid are good ones, thank you.

Just to add, lack of 'voice' in a genre where 'voice' is important, eg Chick-lit, Teen-fic, can also lead to 'flat' prose. That's not something that can necessarily be corrected with stronger verbs or sentence length.

What do people mean, please, by "psychic distance?"

adLIB

adlib, this is my explanation:

http://emmadarwin.typepad.com/thisitchofwriting/psychic-distance-what-it-is-and-how-to-use-it.html

Emma

This is really useful. I've learned about psychic distance and thought I knew about show and tell - but definitely can learn more.

I've always felt my writing style is, well, boring - so I'll read these links and review what I am doing.

As a crime writer I think I am failing in my duties if every scene doesn't have crazy drama.

However, my idea of crazy drama is not necessarily chases and bombs and murders (though my books have quite a few), it's just a case of imbibing each scene with conflict.

If ever I feel a scene is flat, I always ask myself what do the characetrs want here, and what is stopping them from getting it?
It doesn't have to be a man with a knife, it can be something very simple, but the sheer act of making the character want something that the reader can see cannot happen is tension building.

Readers always say my best scenes are my court scenes. No danger or death, just the MC desperate for justice, but the body of eveidence, the system, perhaps the judge are all out to stop her getting it.
Crazy drama indeed.
HB x