If you want the identity to remain hidden, I would steer away from things such as "rubbing his stubble", or "twirling his moustache". These already begin to describe the person, not merely characterise him.

That's a useful distinction.

I've uploaded the example I was referring to. You won't have any problem finding it, as it's the only work I've uploaded.

Alex

Thanks for the upload Alex, it gave me a good example of a way to go about this. I have to think about whether or not I want to use an omniscient 3rd, but otherwise I liked what I saw. A good way of starting the scene, for sure... and also getting the names (aliases) out there.

Looks like an intriguing story. I wonder what happens next (and before for that matter).

Thanks for your comments, Declan.

I definitely need to get on and finish this story, because my gut feeling says that it has legs and could actually find a publisher. One of my problems with it, though, is that I'm not entirely sure I've gone down the right track with the main part of the plot, and I feel I need to make some major changes (which will alter the internal logic of the story in ways that affect other things). However, the last time I had any time to do any work on it was back in February (which was when I decided I needed to rewrite). It needs more time spent on it than I have free at the moment, and it isn't the sort of task that can be done in the odd few minutes here and there.

Alex

I know what you are talking about Alex. I started plotting this one well over a year ago and have never found the time to dedicate to it.
There always seems to be something going on. I work full-time, we bought a new house and moved in, I am landscaping the whole property myself, we have had holidays to take care of, and now my wife is expecting our first child... which resulted in me renovating some rooms and building a nursery.
There just always seems to be an excuse not to write.

But I have challenged myself to write regularly this month, with a target of completing a 90,000 word 1st draft (really draft) by November 31st. This has me aiming at 3000 words a day, which is resulting in late nights (already) and a tired Declan. Thus far (day 3) I am just short of 6000 words, so not on track already. But I feel confident, since the scenes I attacked tonight were always destined to be tough ones... and the ones that are coming up should flow through my fingers a lot quicker.

Anyway, I feel your 'time pain'... and wish you all the best with it. At least you are a member of the best community around. I just find everyone here so encouraging in the way they answer questions. Not at all like other writers communities I have tried.

Let me know if you want to throw some ideas against me at some point. I am happy to give feedback on plot, since it is one of the things I actually think I can do right.

Hiya,
Just to jump in here, but by no means an expert...

Seems to me you can still apply action tags without giving away identity. He scratched his chin/ knee/ crotch are all generic actions that can be applied to all people (except the last one to women or eunuchs ). He coughed, sighed, yawned etc. And also, you can still use HIS senses to fill out the scene- what he's watching from the phone booth, smells, how feels the corner of the masseuse's business card he flicks with his thumb nail --you get the picture.

If you're worried about how to portray character motivation without giving away background, you can use information that would be private to the villain - i.e. stuff that only he would think to himself about and NEVER reveal to another human being, like if he was abused as a child or bullied/ cring-worthy sexual encounters with women, embarrassing drunken exploits etc. I'm not sure I agree with NMott about not using the villain's thoughts and feelings -- without them, IMHO, the characters wouldn't seem complete. Everyone has hopes, aspirations and frustrations -- even villains. But then I've never written a secret villain -- only in your face ones!-- so maybe it doesn't work so well with them.

Anyway, hope that helps.

Tata
Charlie

Every line that people write here helps. It is only by getting a broad range of opinions that one can weed through them and make a decision.

I have written the first of my villain scenes now, and am fairly happy with it (for the time being). I will, naturally, go back to them during rewrites or as I get further into the plot and make any stylistic adjustments that i can think of.

As always, thanks to all for your input.

Had another thought on this
.
How about doing the scene from first person ie one of the vilains. That person would never id themselves would they? You don't describe yourself and the speech tag would just be 'I said'. Or even preface it =
I feel the contents of my stomach churn. 'Do we need to do this thing?'
'Yes'.

That way you don't have to id the second person either because it's obvious there are two of them.

Just musing, of course.
HB x

Hmmm... an interesting option Helen. I might play around with it and see how it pans out too (as an alternative approach).

I am sure comparing the two results would be enlightening.

May be repeating something, but if you're already using a non-standard narrative form (sorry, staggeringly tired, does that make sense?) with the diary entries, so the reader's used to getting their info in different forms, then you could just write this as playscript, with alternating lines of dialogue, unattributed.

Emma

<Added>

I think I meant, write it like a phonecall, just speech, no stage business at all. There's a whole chapter in Vile Bodies like that, a series of phone calls which are a huge piece of the plot.

(Nothing really to do with this thread)

In case you're interested, Declan, I've uploaded another little excerpt from my novel. It's nothing to do with what villains are planning, but you asked what happens elsewhere in the novel...

Alex

*whoop whoop* 'Warning warning. Alert Thread-hijacker in the room. Warning warning.' *whoop whoop*

Jokes.

It's fun Alex. I think I have to wait for the whole novel to get the full picture though. You will send me a copy for review when it's done right?

Well, don't hold your breath. I'm waiting to get the first draft myself