From here I can see life unfolding in all its complexity, and yet how many of the people in the streets far below are aware of the events that will occur in the next ten minutes. Events which could determine and shape the rest of their lives.

I know there is something wrong with this, but what? How should I write it?

I'd put a question mark after both 'lives': to make the rhetorical question much stronger and more urgent.

But talking of urgency (and obviously I don't know the context) 'life unfolding in all its complexity' is a bit abstract: it doesn't evoke the moment for the reader, because I haven't the faintest idea what the narrator's seeing. Also, I think 'determine and shape' is a sort-of tautology, saying the same thing twice and thereby weakening the point.

Emma

<Added>

Tsk!

I meant, a question mark after both 'lives' and 'minutes'.

Ok so maybe if I put it into context

When your life is in danger, at that point when you truly believe you are going to die, you can be forgiven for thinking that life is not, has not, treated you particularly kindly. But it’s really only during the quiet times, when you reach the eye of the storm, that you can make such assessments. Only a handful of times in my life have I recognised the end of an era as it happens and each time I’ve been greeted, amongst other things, by a deep sense of loss a longing for what once was. Here as I stand about to make the greatest transition of all, I feel nothing but peace and contentment. Looking back, my entire life seems to have been heading this way, to this point, right here, right now. From here I can see life unfolding in all its complexity, and yet how many of the people in the streets far below are aware of the events that will occur in the next ten minutes. Events which could determine and shape the rest of their lives. As I stand here I’m wondering why people choose to kill themselves like this. I read somewhere that something like eighty percent of all jump victim autopsies showed that the victim had dislocated both arms, most likely in a last ditch attempt to save themselves. There have to be easier ways than this. It amazes me, the will of instinct, how intellect can never defy nature. I have finally reached my conclusion, this is where I let go. This is my swim to the horizon, my deserted subway platform, my bridge at night.

The problem I have with the sentence section I posted the first sentence is a question but the second sentence isn't actually a sentence, is it? It's not a question either, it's intended to be a statement. And that's the crux of the problem. Can I leave

Events which could determine and shape the rest of their lives.

as a stand alone sentence?

Yes.

As it were.

I'm all for knowing 'correct' grammar and punctuation, it's like being able to speak clearly. But an actor might choose to play a part with seemingly unclear speech, and similarly you can do anything you like in fiction-writing, as long as it conveys the feeling of what you're trying to say.

So, of course you can let it stand alone. It's an extension of the first, question-sentence, after all. Like this:

I must ask you, would you like some coffee? Some tea? Or nothing?

Emma

Because the second sentence refers to the first, I was first tempted to splice them with a semicolon, but it doesn't work. A colon or hyphen would be better. I'd also separate the point of view from the action with a comma, and once again after "yet" because that that's a time frame point of view. I end up with:

From here, I can see life unfolding in all its complexity, and yet, how many of the people in the streets far below are aware of the events that will occur in the next ten minutes - events which could determine and shape the rest of their lives.

I wouldn't put a question mark, simply because - as Emma pointed out - it's rhetorical, so more of a statement than a genuine question.

I love these things. It usually comes down to personal preference rather than set rules... to a degree

Colin M

From here I can see life unfolding in all its complexity, and yet how many of the people in the streets far below are aware of the events that will occur in the next ten minutes. Events which could determine and shape the rest of their lives.

I don't like two questionmarks. I wouldn't mind one though:

From here I can see life unfolding in all its complexity, and yet how many of the people in the streets far below are aware of the events that will occur in the next ten minutes? Events which could determine and shape the rest of their lives.

I also like the sentence starting "Events" - sounds more like interior thought to me like that and gives it a bit of drama to make it two sentences.

I like "life unfolding" etc because - in context - it has a doubleness to it: of life (his life/life in general) leading to this point he is at, and also looking below and thinking about the people with the complexity of life unfolding...

Wondering about "events" - would it not be "event"? Or am I missing the point? If it is events in general why should they be aware? (And what other events would the speaker be aware of - or is he all-knowing?) If it is the event that is about to take place in terms of him jumping that makes more immediate sense to me having seen this small chunk.

From here I can see life unfolding in all its complexity. Yet how many of the people in the streets far below are aware of the events that will occur in the next ten minutes - events which could determine and shape the rest of their lives?

That's how I'd do it, but have nowhere like the experience of those above.

Thanks for all the input on this one. It also helped to allay the fear that my writing is somehow wrong as there can be so many different takes on the whole thing.

Snowbell the events he's referring to are all those unknown things that can alter the course of your life, not necessarily being hit by a car but maybe it could be being two minutes late for work and as a result you bump into the person that will become the love of your life, that kind of thing.