Dawn,

I imagined it to be a momentary lapse of concentration when whatever the vendor says distracts Mark just enough for him to hold the pie for a bit too long.

Grinder

Hi Grinder,

I just think that writing whole names, espcially in the first sentence comes across in a very poor way. It's too forced and personally I tend to associate it with poor writing.

Geoff

Geoff,

I’m not sure I fully understand your aversion, but thanks for sharing your opinion.

I’m thinking about making the protagonist anonymous in the first scene and introducing his name in the second.

Thanks again.

Grinder

What kind of pie is it?

Ste

Can I suggest - focuss on the pie - and you don't need to say it 's hot. Let the reader infer that from the fact it's burnt his fingers. How about:

It was the pie scalding his fingers that brought him to his senses. Mark flung the offending pastry away and cursed. "What did you say?", he demanded of the vendor.

Tom,

Damn, I only just noticed your reply. I’ve managed to move on from the first line, but I see your point about not saying the pie is hot.

Grinder