My main character is on his own for a large part of my novel and the novel is written in the third person. To make the reader sympathise with the MC's predicament and in the absence of dialogue, I've tried to include as as much of the MC's thoughts to himself.

I've starting to become conscious that I'm using phrases like 'he thought', 'he asked himself' and 'he said to himself' too much.

Is it necessery to have something akin to 'he thought' every time the MC says something to himself? I feel like it should be clear when he is talking to himself but at the same time there may be too many 'he thought's.

For example, I have this in my novel:

He closed his eyes. And I'm assuming there's only one of them, he told himself.

I could have:

He closed his eyes. And I'm assuming there's only one of them.

Or:

He closed his eyes. He was assuming there's only one of them

Should I got for consistancy or variety? I must admit I'm not a fan of having too much italic text but at the same time I don't want the novel littered with 'he thought's.

If he does a lot of thinking to himself, have you considered changing the novel to first person? Of your examples I quite like the 2nd, but if you're going to keep slipping into first person and italicising it, then why not write the whole thing in first?

I found your 1st example a bit awkward, and wouldn't personally recommend it.

If you were going to use the 3rd example, I think it should be 'He was assuming there was..' not 'He was assuming there's...' which I take as an abbreviation of 'He was assuming there is', and IMV would be wrong.

So:

He closed his eyes. He was assuming there was only one of them.

Or how about:

He closed his eyes, and realised he was assuming there was only one of them.

In another thread in this forum Terry is talking about invisible prose, and I think that's what you want to aim for, rather than variety. I think your (amended) 3rd suggestion is the most invisible, and you can probably use it again and again.

Deb

<Added>

The second of my examples implies he's now wondering if he was wrong to assume there was only one of them, whereas the first of my examples doesn't give that impression - more that he is still assuming there is only one.

He closed his eyes. He assumed there was only one of them...



<Added>

Trust the reader to know it's his thoughts - you don't need to tell them.
And keep it simple.

Thanks both.

Deb, the novel really doesn't lend itself to first person. Without giving the whole plot away it's hard to say why but my gut says don't make this first person. I do need to retain a certain distance from reader to MC and I think third person helps there.

I think I'll tried and use the third example where I can. I suppose I can tidy up these things in the second draft.

Thanks for the explanation, Tim. Gut instinct rules OK...

I very much like Naomi's version. It's really hard to think what I'd naturally write when confronted with someone else's suggestions (yours in this case), but hers certainly does the trick seamlessly.

Deb

There is a technical name for what you're trying to do here. It's called 'Free Indirect Style' (also known as Free Indirect Speech and Free Indirect Discourse) which is a method of representing a character's thoughts without using quotation marks or adding phrases such as "he thought". It can be done in either 1st or 3rd person.

Basically, it means you (the writer) let a character's voice take over for a while and leave the reader to figure out whose thoughts/voice have taken over.

Here's a bit from an Anne Tyler novel:

"She wandered on down the aisle, swinging her purse loosely from her fingers. What kind of church was this? The sign outside hadn't said."

It's clear that "What kind of church was this" is a question running through the mind of 'she' but Tyler hasn't thought it necessary to add 'Maggie thought" or "Maggie asked herself."

Read a few bits and pieces from various novels and see if you can spot it. Jane Austen used it a lot.

There's also a good article about it here:
http://books.guardian.co.uk/elements/story/0,,1447615,00.html

Judy

That's a great link Judy, and very relevant to the thread, thanks!

With regard to your example Anne Tyler example . . . I have found I've tried to write like that. I write a bit that is actually that character's voice amid some narration but I always end up putting 'he thought' or whatever else after it. I think it must be an OCD or something but I feel compulsed to tidy it up with the imfamous 'he thought'.

I think I'll have a better idea what to do when I read through the first draft (after it's finished).

I'd agree with others: don't keep saying 'he thought'. I'd avoid the 'he assumed' part as well. I'd maybe put:

He closed his eyes. Surely there must only be one of them.

Or:

He closed his eyes. There could only be one of them, couldn't there?

Rosy

I'd go with the RT104 approach. Tags of the 'he thought' type can become quite intrusive if there are more than a few of them close to one another. Nevertheless, I would say that there are two situations in which they definitely are needed: (a) if there could be any confusion as to whether the 'thought' is a thought or just part of the narrative and possibly (b) if this is the first instance of a 'thought' after a (very) long section of straightforward narrative.

Daisy2004 raised the valid point that what you are doing when using this approach is letting the character's voice take over, but I wonder about leaving the reader to figure out whose thoughts/voice have taken over. We should perhaps be aiming to differentiate between the two voices by ensuring that the thoughts are in the individual voice of the character as opposed to that of the author. In third-person narration the two should probably be different to some extent and, in any case, the thoughts will tend to be conversational in tone as opposed to the straight prose of the author.

On the other linked question I think that this opportunity of separating the author's voice and point of view from those of the main character is one of the most compelling reasons to write in third-person narration rather than first. It can certainly make things more interesting for the reader.

Chris

Well summed up! I shall bear these points in mind, particularly during the second draft.

Well, I'm very clear in my head how to do it now.

My novel is a survival situation told third person entirely from the main character's point of view.

I took two books from my bookshelf to skim in the bath that have a similar situation: I am Legend (one man versus a world of vampires) by Richard Matheson and Misery (one man versus a physcotic fan) by Stephen King.

Matheson's book, which is now nearly 60 years old does the 'he thought' all the time like I have been doing whereas King omits it almost all the time and his style agrees with what most have said on this thread.

Although Misery is 20 years old I suppose the technique hasn't changed much in that time.

Anyway, thank you for all your valued input - you've saved me a lot of editing!

<Added>

For the pedants out there I am Legend is actually only 53 years old. Whoops.

I had exactly the same problem - so I've now saved a copy of the 45,000 word novel in third person and I'm currently re-writing into first person! yikes...