Got sent this in an email and thought it was quite funny.
These are some winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest run by the Washington Post:
"She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again."
"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."
"Mcbride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup."
"From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7pm instead of 7:30."
"Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."
"Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre."
"Bob was perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com/aaakk/ch@ung but gets T\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake"
"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."
"He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree."
"The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."
"Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like 'Second Tall Man'."
"The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after Dr. on a Dr Pepper can."
"They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled nancy kerrigan's teeth."
"John and Mary had never met. they were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."
"The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red crayola crayon."
"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:30 pm travelling at 55mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19pm at 35mph."
"The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play."
"His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free."
I love these. I've seen others too, aparrently they are true, which is either sad or liberating depending on your point of view.
You know I really kind of like the Second Tall Guy one and the trains one. I would actually use sentences like that in my own writing!
The thunder one gets my vote every day- in a way, they're really inventive and imaginative- well, some are... here are some I found as well..
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 31p-a-pint night.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall
You can tell the British ones can't you?
This actually made me laugh for about twenty minutes.
"He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something."
I think it's the detail that did it!
There's some of my stuff in there!
And you admit to it- brave man. But seriously- do we believe these are genuine? They're just too good, some of them... are GCSE students really this imaginative?
Was thinking the same thing Anna, sounds too good to be true.
It'll probably make you laugh, but I've seen this "worst analogy" list translated into two different languages. The original stuff totally rocks though!
Not seen this before. Thanks for finding this old post Karen.