I am writing in the 3rd person, but trying to make the narrative more personal by incorporating the MC's thoughts. Are both of the following acceptable?

Jane stood up. What on earth should i say?

Jane stood up. What on earth should she say?

Or should i stick to the second one? ie 3rd person even if it's thoughts?

If both are acceptable, is it okay to chop and change, sometimes incorporate thoughts as I.. or She... or would it be best to stick to one.

I can't believe i'm still getting confused about this.

Any comments appreciated.

Casey

The third person is nice and clear. Jane Austen does it all the time - keeping in 3rd person but sliding into someone's head. And of course it's then easy to slide away and into someone else's.

Jane stood up. What on earth should she say? She didn't know the first thing about planning applications. She was going to have to make it up as she went along and they'd all laugh.

With the 1st person one, some might disagree, but I think things like this usually need a 'think tag' as the equivalent of a speech tag. The simple version would be something like this:

Jane stood up. What on earth should I say, she thought. I don't know the first thing about planning applications. I'm going to have to make it up as I go along and they'll laugh.

Or slightly more subtly:

Jane stood up. The only words in her head were, what on earth should I say? She gripped her handbag but it didn't seem to help. I don't know the first thing about planning applications. They'll just laugh. I'll have to make it up as I go along.

Each has its fluencies and its awkwardnesses - not least the shifting tenses - so maybe it's those that decide which you go for in any given situation.

And those are all terribly leaden examples, but it's the end of a long week...

Emma



<Added>

Meant to say more clearly, yes, I don't see why you shouldn't chop and change throughout the book, depending on which form seems to read better.

Emma, that makes it so clear, many thanks as always. I think i'll stick to that method, 'she' or 'I'+ a thought tag.



Casey

Most of the books I've read that incorporate the first person into a third person narrative tend to do so by italicising the first person.

Hmm, that's an interesting option, Geoff. I might give that a go and see what i think.

Cheers.

Casey

Geoff, I agree it looks odd to me without.

Deb