Hello again everybody, I haven't totally disappeared off the face of the Earth but I have began writing a new book called "Ring of Conscience". I shall update my work shortly.

In the meantime I would welcome some grammatical advice. My son's two English teachers gave different answers! When a sentance is written in third person but the character is thinking, are his thoughts supposed to be in quotations? e.g.

Thomas ejected himself from his bed, initially to empty his bladder, but was distracted by his laptop on passing. He wanted one last look at Melodema.com. "What if," he thought "you have left us a hidden message?"

Would this be correct? English teacher number two suggested the quotes be in italics as opposed to quotation marks.

GLENN

No quotation marks.
I have occasionally seen it in italics, but that is not the norm.

- NaomiM

No quotation marks these days, though in older books it seems to have been standard, which may be the confusion. Nor italics, though I've met - and used - italics for remembered speech or thoughts.

You just use 'he thought' to make it clear what's going on, though you may then want to rearrange the sentence. It's all one sentence then, too, so no question mark:

Thomas ejected himself from his bed, initially to empty his bladder, but was distracted by his laptop on passing.

Or of course you can keep it in third person:

He wanted one last look at Melodema.com. What if they had left them a hidden message?

Emma



<Added>

ach! Lost the important bit!

Thomas ejected himself from his bed, initially to empty his bladder, but was distracted by his laptop on passing. He wanted one last look at Melodema.com. What if you have left us a hidden message, he thought.

Thanks Emma and Naomi, I knew it didn't look right. Good advice Emma.

GLENN

For most circumstances I'd prefer Emma's first suggestion, which stays in third person. It seems far more seamless. After all, if you're in 3rd p subjective you're usually going to have a fair few thoughts peppered through the story, so you may as well just report them rather than using "he thought" repeatedly.

Deb

I specifically asked my report to deal with introspection and this was the advice i got - with a view to making the 3rd person more personal:

Instead of:

Jane climbed into bed. She knew Paul was right; she had been negative lately, life was getting harder by the minute and she didn't feel like shedding her sense of resignation. She wondered how he could bear to stay with her.

try:

Jane climbed into bed. God, life was getting harder by the minute. Poor Paul! He didn't deserve such a grumpy old bat for a girlfriend! She pulled the duvet over her head and groaned into the cosy darkness. Go away world! If only she could stay there forever and be miserable in peace.


Hope this helps.

Casey





<Added>

ie no speech marks, no italics, just try and seamlessly incorporate the thoughts into the narrative.

That's very interesting, Casey. Thing is, I'm not sure I prefer the second version. Think I slightly prefer the first (though there are elements from each that I like and like less).

Deb

Hi Deb,

yeh, i suppose it depends on your genre, doesn't it? For me, i much prefer the second - not that i dislike the first. I just find the second livelier, and i think that suits my style best.

Casey x