A short while ago I said I was working on an editing checklist, and that once I was comfortable with it I’d share it with you all. I’m glad to say, that going from recent comments on my work this list has helped me.

This is not an essay on what you should do, this is just the way I’ve learned to edit my own stuff, it’s a start at least. I thought that sharing it might benefit others aswell as myself…

ONE

With dialogue, I now try to use ‘he said’ ‘she said’ almost exclusively. This seems weird at first, particularly when you know someone is asking or answering, the temptation to write ‘he asked’ or ‘she answered is sometimes very strong.

“How did you learn to do that?” Peter asked. “I don’t remember,” replied Paul.

My writing was full of stuff like this, now I try and get it more like this.

“How did you learn to do that?” said Peter. Paul shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t remember.”

TWO

The next thing I look at are words that modify speech (I can’t remember what they’re called).

I used to write stuff like this all the time.

“Whack me with your truncheon,” Brenda moaned provocatively.

First the dialogue sucks – I’d have to sort that out, and I don’t care if Brenda moaned or how provocatively, surely isn’t “Whack me with your truncheon” provocative enough?

“Whack me with your truncheon,” said Brenda.

Better, but if I really do want he to moan, I might do it like this.

Brenda moaned. “Whack me with your truncheon,” she said.

Or

Brenda moaned and said, “whack me with your truncheon.”

Still not sure about the dialogue though.

THREE

Prune adverbs without mercy. Prune, prune and prune. Now I just try to cut out as many of them as I can.

FOUR

This is the hardest part, cut out any unnecessary words. I now read every sentence, if it doesn’t do something, if it doesn’t add to the story, add to a character, or add to the plot then I either rewrite it shorter or else bin it completely.


These where just a few of my recent discoveries, those on this website who have helped me know who you are. But as I said earlier, this is just the start. I would appreciate any other suggestions or comments.

Grinder

Grinder

There was a party game when I was a kid, where a sixpence piece was stuck at the top of a cake of flour. Children took turns to cut away the flour, until the coin would be perched on a slender column of white stuff, and then eventually fall down. I don’t remember how you won the damn thing, but the principle can be applied to editing: how many words can you cut away and still leave the coin suspended? The more flour you remove, the less distraction there is from the shine of the money. This is another form of what’s referred to as Show Not Tell, i.e. it is a more satisfying experience for the reader if he or she discerns the emotional impact of, say, your dialogue for himself (you Showing), rather than you diluting it by Telling him. This is where ‘he said’, ‘she said’ comes in – the dialogue itself should contain the sixpence, and not need the author to explain it with the likes of ‘he joked’, ‘he urged’ etc.

Cutting unnecessary words is giving the reader respect, too. You trust them to be able to construct images from the minimum of clues, thereby speeding up the flow of the story. For example, you say ‘he shrugged his shoulders’. Well, you could cut ‘his shoulders’, since the shoulders are the only part of the human anatomy that can be shrugged. Now, all this is editing towards producing work which is spare, exact and evocative. But it has to be said that such writing isn’t to everyone’s taste. Some readers like lots of words, even when they don’t add anything - comfort reading, where everything is spelled out. The Harry Potter books spring to mind in this respect. My view is that it’s best to learn how to say more with less first, then if you do decide to produce nice warm fluffy stuff, at least you’ll be doing so deliberately

Terry,

I’ve learned a lot over the last few months, mostly from people on this site, and I’m grateful.

I was wondering who would be first to suggest trimming the shoulders bit, please believe me when I say that was deliberate. I was hoping to illustrate that you can always improve.

Thanks for the comments...

Grinder

I've been doing the same, editing out the 'replies' and 'answered angrily'. One technique I use with dialogue is to imagine it's a script. Then you are forced to put the emotion in the dialogue and not tack it on afterwoods.

I have a different issue with this now though as I'm changing my protagonist from third to first person. Now I'm writing as someone else I'd like to leave it in as it's her way of writing. The problem is I'm worried that people will think it's the way I write! Do you know what I mean?

Gina.

Thanks Grinder, I shall get the pruning shears out. I thought I was already ruthless but now I shall show no mercy (I hope).

Darran, I’m delighted and impressed by the way your writing has progressed since I first met you on here.

To carry on the ‘he shrugged his shoulders’ discussion: yes you could just say ‘he shrugged’ and leave it at that. But sometimes you want to convey, as subtly as you can, something else… the man’s authority for instance. The word ‘shrug’ is casual, offhand, indicating that the cause of the shrug is unimportant. So you could think of a different way to describe the action.

‘His shoulders lifted.’ Is a way of using a physical action to imply personal power. The guy doesn’t give a damn what anyone else thinks. He has shoulders. He’s flexing his muscles – metaphorically as well as literally. He’s saying that the cause of the shrug is unimportant to him.

Does that make sense? It’s late and I’m not too good at explaining this sort of thing.

Dee.

Dee,

Like this? One implying indifference and one ignorance…

Paul shrugged and said, “I don’t care.”
Paul shrugged and said, “I don’t know.”

This one, I think works to convey menace.

Paul rolled his shoulders and said, “I don’t care.”

This is fun.

Grinder

Yes, but you don’t need ‘he said’ in any of these examples.

We know he’s saying it so you don’t need to spell it out. Unless you want to use ‘he said’ to extend the action – which case it flows better if it comes after the dialogue.

Paul shrugged. “I don’t care,” he said as he walked away.

Incidentally, this might just be me but I don’t think ‘rolled’ conveys menace in this context. I associate rolling shoulders with trying to relax, ease out tension. On the other hand, ‘flexed his shoulders’ implies he’s preparing for action - should it become necessary.

Dee.

Dee,

I see what you mean about ‘he said’.

Speaking of preference, flexed doesn’t do it for me but bunched does, but I agree that rolling can go either way. I was thinking about rolling in a ‘preparing for a boxing match’ kind of way, but on reflection that’s got more to do with relaxing.

Thanks for the input

Darran

Sorry to but in, but OK if I have a go. I, where possible, try to give a visible similie to everyday body movements. Sometimes it works. I'll try for menace here.

The thick bunches of muscle that where Paul's shoulders bobbed up then down.
"Don't ask me," he said. His gaze locked onto mine and would not budge. Finally he did turn and began to walk away
"Go find some fool who gives a damn."


Probably something aweful in there, but it kind of shows what I try to do

Darryl

Darryl,

Always but in, electronically at least.
I find this sort of word play immense fun.

The thick bunches of muscle that where Paul's shoulders bobbed up then down.

How about this..

Paul’s shoulders bunched beneath his tight shirt.

…I think it implies the same thing?

As I said, this is fun.

Grinder