Much as I hate to be the harbinger of bad news, I've heard something from a little bird at Harper Collins, which I hope may be of use to some of you. At least it may save you the cost of a wasted stamp.

According to some, publishing is going through something of a down turn at the moment (not that you would know it from the queues in Waterstones). Apparantly Harper Collins are publishing a mere six books next year, all of which have already been chosen. Now our source is confident things will improve in the near future, but for now, they believe people are only interested in three things:

1) Thrillers. Really good ones. I'm guessing we're talking cash cows like 'The Da Vinci Code' (which I actually rather enjoyed)

2) Thrillers. Not so good ones. Lots of sex, swearing and violence. Airport paperbacks that shift by the bucketload.

[The alternative to this, if you're of a delicate disposition, is anything that's really (and I do mean really) funny.]

3) Literary fiction of such epic, accomplished and haunting beauty that it would make a large, burly and possibly hairy man weep in public. Something that's going to win a plethora of awards and provoke endless discussion in the Sunday Papers.

I should add that the person in question admitted it may be a different story with some publishers (particularly the smaller ones).

I'm not trying to depress everyone, but if you're finding it hard to make any headway, this may be the reason why. If it's any consolation, it makes life more difficult for us too. We've got some great stuff, but getting it in print is a tricky thing these days.

Ah well, it's all swings and roundabouts, as my mum likes to say. Things will pick up. All the more reason not to take those rejection letters personally.

Katie

Thanks Katie, it's useful to have that sort of inside information, and brilliant that you've joined the team of resident experts.

Thanks Nell. I feel as if I've just been given a new badge at the Brownies.
(That's meant to be a good thing, and not at all derogatory by the way - I'm very proud of my Brownie badges!)

Thrillers. Not so good ones. Lots of sex, swearing and violence. Airport paperbacks that shift by the bucketload.

Excellent. Might start sending letters out tonight then.

My, but that's depressing. Having scaled the boundary wall into 'having an agent' territory I read this. I hadn't kidded myself into thinking it would be easy from now on but I had hoped it might be less hard.
But thanks for the warning, Katie.
Dee.

IB - I sincerely hope someone profits from this new agenda, but I didn't mean to sound quite so rude about that genre - hope no one takes offence! Guess I'm not usually after guts and gore when I log onto Amazon, so it's not exactly my area of expertise. In an case, I'm hoping you were being sarcastic.

Dee - don't lose heart! I'm sure your agent will fight your corner, and there are always exceptions to these kinds of things. Good books find a way in the end!

Thanks for the word of warning Katie - I wondered how you felt as an agent observing the current fad for celebrity written novels? Do these books really find favour with publishers purely because of their retail potential? Do the public buy them simply because they have faith in a writer that has already proven themselves in another field? Should we all just give up or apply for next years Big Brother?

Money money money. The reason behind most things. If someone's already famous then you have a guaranteed audience for their work. And yes, I find it very depressing.

Elspeth, of course I was merely being sarcastic, Just thought it would be amusing to if a publisher were to advertise for that manner of novel.

Wanted: trash.

Raised a smile. I'm not overly worried about the news myself though, as it doesn't impact my ongoing tendency to simply publish all my work on the internet for the free enjoyment of anyone who wishes to read it.

My real name is Nigella Titmarsh-Oliver and I'm an ex-SAS cook and flower arranger with an outline for a thriller in which a myopic boy with mystical powers is rejected by the Pop Idol jury so wipes out each of them in turn through the use of gangsta-rap incantations before embarking on a new life as renegade CIA operative 'Mad' Jack Frantik with the psycho-lesbian daughter of a television home make-over celebrity who was formerly the leader of Her Majesty's Parliamentary Opposition.

I'm not sure about literary merit but have plenty of ideas for merchandising. . .

Richard

I'd buy it.

Richard, there you are, you've got a deal - what are you waiting for? Oh dear, now I'll have to dissolve The And All For Love Agency...

Nell:

Never. The deal stands. Except, er, the 10% commission rule needs rewriting -- you OK with 45%, Katie with 45%, and me with 10%???

Hell. I'm just being too greedy here.

Richardx

Katie:

Sold. Well, there's Nell's agency of course, but I could be co-produced. Actually, I probably was. Not sure about fees here, but whatever you want me to pay you, name it. I knew Harper before he met Collins, too, if that's any help. Been a downhill relationship ever since.

Richardx

Thought I'd update this on something else we heard from an editor at Transworld. He was finding it depressing that they're very limited as to what they can select for publication at the moment as they have about eight writers whose second novels they're obliged to publish (they did their first last year). So that's eight places taken before he's even started.

Apparantly he's been told to look out for something that's 'socially aware' but quite light, whatever that is. I'm guessing we're talking 'Brick Lane' 'Curious Incident...' type stuff?!? Could be interpreted any number of ways.

Obviously this is just at one publisher; you never know how the land lies elsewhere.