Wow! And I thought no one would be interested in my petty concerns! Thanks so much all of you for your advice. I think the really valuable thing is the exchange.
I have made one honest re submission so far because the letter I received last time was so kind and thoughtful and I would hope and expect him to remember my ms. We'll see! I'll report back in! I have also made 4 other new submissions too. ( good advice not to dawdle around ) I am still plucking up courage to send the novel back to the super grand agent because though two of them read it there I felt their 'no' was more conclusive. But hey, in another way I feel I have nothing to lose and the book is much, much better. I find the details of the congratulations card and the relationship built (whilst being rejected) as useful and inspiring as anything else. It gives a method to the madness and a cushion to the rejections if/when they come in. Thank you all.

I think Colin has hit the nail on the head. The point is, the vast majority of rejections are dealt with fairly tersely by agents/editors. Which is not surprising, considering the waves of slush they have to wade through every day. But this creates the impression, inevitably perhaps, that they are unfeeling robots. Which in turn makes it tempting for new writers to try all sorts of tricks to get round what they perceive to be a brick wall of indifference. However, on the other side of that wall are actual, breathing human beings who are almost always helpful, keen and intelligent. So, difficult though it is, you have to submit as if you're dealing with people on the other side of that brick wall, because one day you will be. For example, I've just started to submit a non-fiction project. I'm not sending it out by post to the very few publishers who say they want to see books. I'm sending to individuals at large publishers who say 'Go away!' on their websites, direct by email. Okay, I can perhaps get away with that because I've got a track record. Whatever, the two rejections I've had so far were very friendly, with lots of comments about how much they liked the project and why it didn't fit, and in one case, giving me four really good leads for people who might have an opening for it. The other I ended up having a long exchange of emails with because while he couldn't publish the project, he had a strong personal interest in it.

Terry