Hey guys. I'm thinking of taking one of my novels to a publishing company, but suck at writing queries. Could anyone give me some advice for this?

This is a synopsis of the story I have. Obviously it's FAR too long to be a query, but don't know which would be the best way to edit it.

SATOPIA:

Six years ago, Satan was released from his prison in Hell to the world above. He overthrew the Royal family, proclaimed himself king of England and set about transforming the country into his own hellish paradise. Crime now virtually no longer exists, due to families now being punished for the sins of those who are foolish enough to commit a crime. And there is only one penalty for criminals... Death!

This is no Utopia—this is SATOPIA!

There are three people that have stories to tell. Alexander Hope, the stripper determined to protect her mother, even at the cost of degrading her own personal morals. Duchess Amanda, a celebrity that seeks power and pleasure at its extremes. And Sergeant Nemesis Daniel King, an elitist and bellicose policeman who is determined to uphold the morals that Satopia represents. Through their eyes, we will see ourselves whether Satopia is really the paradise Lord Satan claims it to be.


Also, I should stress that the content is for mature readers only. Is that something I should mention? Could anyone give me some advice for this? Which do you think should be the major areas I should tackle. Also, what else do I need to put in it?

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks guys.

Dan

I based my query letter on the following:

- an opening saying I'm seeking representation for (title of novel), my completed (genre) novel which stands at (no. of words).
Then a brief blurb to whet their appetite, eg in your case:

Six years ago, Satan was released from his prison in Hell to the world above. He overthrew the Royal family, proclaimed himself king of England and set about transforming the country into his own hellish paradise. This is no Utopia—this is SATOPIA!

Then a slightly longer para on the content, eg:

Is Satopia the paradise Lord Satan claims it to be? Three people tell their story: Alexander (Alexandra??)Hope, stripper turned protector; Duchess Amanda, power- and pleasure-seeking celebrity; and Sergeant Nemesis Daniel King, an elitist and bellicose policeman who is determined to uphold the morals that Satopia represents.

Then a para about you, if relevant - anything that qualifies you to write this, or any previous publication history.

Finally, say you enclose the first three chapters, a short synopsis and an SAE and thank them for their consideration.

When you've done it, you can send it to the Writers Workshop for free by email and they'll give you feedback on it.

Not sure what you mean by 'mature' readers - do you mean adults, or older readers? I'd be inclined not to mention either unless there's a pressing reason.

Good luck with it,
Susiex


<Added>

PS - Keep the letter to one side of A4 if possible. The novel sounds intriguing!

Thanks Susiex. That's helped me a great deal. To answer your question, when I meant mature, I meant that the novel has a lot of swearing (Soprano's type swearing), so I only wanted to give the impression that it's not a children's book.

One other question, this novel is something I originally self-published. SHould I mention some of the reviews that said they liked it? Would that help or would it be neither here nor there to a publisher?

I'm assuming your novel isn't for Young Adults - that it's for a general adult readership? If this is the case, you needn't worry about swearing - agents will have read a lot worse!
As far as having self-published - more experienced people might be able to give you a proper answer - personally I wouldn't mention it at this stage as it might put an agent off.
Susiex

Ok, if that's what you think I won't mention it at this stage. But thank you so much for taking your time to give me advice. Hopefully now I can write a query that's actually gonna work for me. lol

I have to say that it having been published - self- or otherwise, may be a huge problem. Basically, it isn't new any more, and it's a rare publisher who'd be interested, and therefore a rare agent who'd take it on. It would certainly be a good thing, when pitching your next book, to be able to say that your first got such great reactions, as long as the reviews weren't just mates on blogs but something an agent would consider serious and impartial (which basically means print, or one of the handful of booky sites they actually know exist). There's nothing to stop you pitching this one without mentioning it, but if an agent asks to see the full MS they really need to know the full story, and you'd have to be prepared for them to drop it like a hot brick.

Emma

Thanks for the tip Emma. To be fair though, the book didn't reallys sell that well, so I can always forget to mention that and just say it's my first novel. Which is true, I'll just leave out the self-publishing bit.

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Failing that, I got two or three other novels I can pitch to publishers.

Hi, Dwriter.
Queries are for the American market, for querying US Agents. If you are pitching it to a UK publisher, then, same for a UK Agent, you need to send a covering letter, synopsis (one side of A4, single spaced) and first 3 chapters (double spaced). I don't know what the form is if yuo are pitching it to a US publisher.

The length of the query above is ok - the US agent Nathan Bransford suggests 250-350 is a suitable size in his blog - but it has left off some information such as word count and genre, a hook, and a few other bits which you will need in a US-type query.

If it's Adult fiction, then it's pretty much taken as read there will be language language and adult themes, which is why you need to state a genre.

Emma is right, if the novel has been self published don't mention it in the covering letter. If the novel has been self-published with an ISBN number then don't even pitch it because they can google it and it's doubtful they will want to take it on.
If it's a query for one of your next books, don't mention you've previously self-published in the covering letter.

If you'd like to upload something in the Synopsis & Outline group then we can take a more detailed look at it.


- NaomiM

Thanks for the advice Naomi. Yeah, I will leave it out. Thanks for the advice. I won't mention that its self published. Of course, one of the books I have already has an IBSN number so that might be a problem, unless I request to have it deleted. Can I do that? Is that possible?

Can I do that? Is that possible?

No, I don't think it is possible. ISBN numbers go onto a number of databases, including the British Library's one, so I doubt it's possible to remove all record of it.


- NaomiM

Ah! Ok, then I'm a bit screwed then (excuse my french). I'll have to try with my other novels then. I do have another novel which I have on lulu, but it doesn't have an ISBN code. Do you think I could get away with not mentioning that?

I'm confused - has Satopia been published already, or is it another novel?

Well, Satopia was originally self-published, but I found a company which I think it would be best published under. However, I already brought an IBSN code for it so that pretty much shoots it in the foot. However, I do have two other novels I can try and promote.

<Added>

And when I say Satopia was originally self published, I meant by me. It is one of my stories.

I do have another novel which I have on lulu, but it doesn't have an ISBN code. Do you think I could get away with not mentioning that?

That's fine. Writers often print off a copy via Lulu/POD to send off to readers before their final edit, so although it's been printed, I think you can get away with not calling it self-published.

However, I already brought an IBSN code for it so that pretty much shoots it in the foot.

Have you actually used the ISBN code? If you've bought one, presumably you had to give the publisher your book details -Title, genre, author, etc... in which case the ISBN number will have been assigned to that novel.
If, however, you haven't given those details, then the ISBN number will be unassigned and you can submit the manuscript as an un-self-published novel.


- NaomiM



<Added>

However, you will need to get the first one (above) delisted from the Lulu website.

Have you actually used the ISBN code? If you've bought one, presumably you had to give the publisher your book details -Title, genre, author, etc... in which case the ISBN number will have been assigned to that novel.

I got the IBSN through Lulu packages, but I don't remember giving any details like that. Maybe if I delete it, it might be ok.

That being said, I have looked through a couple of websites of publishers (panmacmillian for one) and they do accept self-published novels. Maybe I might be able to submit Satopia to that, but I'd be out of luck for other publishers. I dunno, I'm thinking maybe I should try and submit one of my other stories instead.