Hi folks,

I need some ideas for the scene i'm working on - unwanted xmas presents, those ones you stick in the loft or give to someone else. What's your worst one been?

Cheers.

Casey

My worst Christmas present ever had to be a jumper my stepmum knitted when I was about 12. It was about two times too big for me, a horrific confection of pink and purple fluffy wool, that itched, and had a polar neck that was like the big, gibbering mouth of a deflated toad.

Well, of course I had to wear it. All Christmas. And worse still, I had to like it. Shortly after new year, the dreaded thing ended its life by being thrown into a tree by me and my brother (sorry, Chris). Of course, I pretended to mourn its loss, saying I'd forgotten it at a bus station.

Shudder. Even the memory, all these years later, gives me a horrid feeling in my stomach.

JB


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Aside from that, being dumped on Christmas Eve by a much loved boyfriend ten years ago has to be the worst ever, but I don't think that counts.

A chocolate fountain.

(Stifles laughter)

JB

LOL JB - hmmm, knitwear from well-meaning relatives, good one.
Mind you, i can't think of anything worse than being dumped on Xmas Eve - The Swine! as Russell would say...

Chocolate Fountain....i would LOVE one of those (restraining myself to post my address, just incase you want rid)

Thanks guys.

Casey

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or rather 'from posting'

Leaving aside the appalling prospect of home-knitted jumpers etc (from which I also suffered but fortunately only when young), a good source of Crappy Present ideas is Crappy Shops and Crappy Catalogues. I have various relatives who obviously do their shopping from home using such sources as the Past Times Collection, The Gadget Shop or Lakeland Plastics and their hordes of even cheaper imitators. Get hold of their brochures and you might find some inspiration. One particular horror I recall is a "beautiful" pair of objects called "Victorian Cheese Mice" which were sort of pewterish ornaments with metal spikes which were intended to be stuck into lumps of cheese (because of course every decent person aspires to serving plentifully laden cheeseboards at home). Labels could then be attached to the pewter mice to distinguish Lymeswold from Stinking Bishop. You can imagine the twee Franklin Mint style copy accompanying these items in the brochure even now, can't you!

Also a tip: if you are dumping unwanted gifts into charity shops, try and do it a long way from where your relatives live. I remember my Mum ringing up once saying "Oh we found two more Chinese Sizzling Plates in the charity shop just like the two we gave you! They were ever so cheap. Now you've got four!"

LOL griff, LOL!! I'd love to have seen your face on being given those plates! Just hope your mum never wants to see the full set
That is a BRILLIANT idea about those catalogues, i've recently received a couple through the post so i think i'll have a squiz through.

Cheers,

Casey

Griff, that's a fantastic story!

Emma

At our request, admittedly, my parents in law once gave us a toilet. We were broke, and had a flat to do up...

Emma

Did they wrap it?

Casey

I once had some Beverly Hills body lotion which smelt like fly spray. Totally eye-watering.

And once, for a wedding anniversary, my grandmother-in-law gave us a pound coin sellotaped inside a card ("Buy yourselves something nice with that, dear.")

We have an Auntie Florence, who has the most APPALLING taste. On Christmas Day, everything stops while we unwrap her presents. They are unbelievable but it has now become the highlight of Christmas Day. All her presents unfortunately end up in the Charity Shop or at the 'tip' (after a suitable length of time, during which they languish in the drawer of the spare room chest of drawers.)

She is very proud of a radio which is in the form of a scantily-clad female; her nipples are the volume and tuning controls. Lovely!

joanie

Auntie Florence... is very proud of a radio which is in the form of a scantily-clad female; her nipples are the volume and tuning controls.

Auntie Florence sounds like a girl of character, if not taste!

Emma

Look at you, Kate, 'Beverley Hills' Lotion! Pity it smelt so bad.

Well,Joanie, you're aunt is certainly broad-minded, i'll give her that!

One of our funniest was from an uncle who bought us some really cool wine glasses that don't stand up,so you have to hold them all the time and end up drinking more. I thought it was a pretty odd concept, looked through a few gift shops and realized what he'd actually bought was glass candleholders missing the stand!!

Casey