Just heard this one: 'as useful as a chocolate fireguard.'
Becca.

When I lived in Sheffield there was a common expression to describe a female

' She is a Stocksbridge two bagger'

I will leave it to you to work out the meaning.


also another which used to amuse me but have no idea where it came from

if wit where s***
you'd be constipated


take care all

david

Guys! Guys!

You'll be having a farting competition next...


Becca... if you can hear me through all the beer-belly talk... the version I heard was 'chocolate teapot'.

ee.
x

OK - after a few days off with writers block (sympathy please ) Here are a couple that for some reason the family use - I have an odd family!!
My Dad's favourite answer to questions like 'Who was that at the door?' or 'Who did that?': Ticker. Never found out who ticker was/is.
The answer to any knock knock joke: 'Mr Wilson'
Answer to any question involving 'why?': Because it/he/she saw the crossing zebras
To be ponderous: Go round the Wrekin
Useless person: Chocolate teapot (variant of the fireguard)

Hi Dee, yes teapot, and the other one chocolate ashtray.
Becca.

Hi, new here, but just spent an enjoyable few minutes perusing this goldmine of a thread. I know it's dating back to Feb. 04, but here's another saying that cracks me up:
Goes down like a bricked budgie (especially when said in a S.Wales accent)

Oh yes, and:

Fit as a butcher's dog

still elicits mirth everytime, though it's probably quite antiquated.

BTW, I've heard the phrase 'This is pure marsh gas' on the tv a few times, but have to admit my ignorance. Does anyone know what it means?

Cheers!

What an amusing thread this ahs been to read. Darkstar, I used to live in Edinburgh, and I often heard that saying, along with 'Up ya buchana!' meaning, up yer backside. The Scots have such a wonderful way with language...pity no one else
outside of Scotland can understand what they're talking about! (Just kidding - I love you Scotland).

My favourite expression I ever read was in Douglas Adam's Hitchhiker Books. Zaphod Beeblebrox declares, "I'm so hip, I can barely see over my pelvis!"

Living in Leicester, we also get:

"Mardy int yer?"

"Cold out, innit?"
(innit features highly in most local dialects)

Also, where does the expression 'toff' come from, to call somebody posh?

James x

Oh, speaking of posh, Rebecca Loos was spotted in a bar last night, sipping beer through a straw.
Just goes to show you; you don't need to be posh to suck becks.

For useless person, I've always used "as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike".

Liked your Becks joke, IB I used to know a Scot whose favourite saying was:
Pee up ma kilt!

I've just spent the past 3 hours in IT hell, finding that my computer has been infected with a Blaster worm for God only knows how long, and that it's been eating my email. Whoever is responsible, I hope someone pees up your kilt, and then some.

Adele.

<Added>

Sorry, I meant James/Wax!

James, my dictionary reckons ‘toff’ is probably a variant of ‘tuft’, a slang name for titled students who wore a gold tassel on their caps.

Dee.

That's cool Dee. I was thinking it to be an abbreviation of 'toffee- nosed'

James, despite the fact that I love my dictionary... that sounds more plausible than 'tuft'.

Dee
x

Bless you J x